starlight
by Asakami
Summary: "We could keep trying, but things will never change." Lightning/Vanille. AU.
1. encounter

**disclaimer:** FINAL FANTASY XIII characters © SQUARE ENIX  
 **warning:** language, dark themes, mature scenes

 **a/n:** HOLY SHIII WHAT IS THIS?! A REWRITE? NO—

(I'm ACTUALLY going to update/finish this time and rated M now btw.)

* * *

 _ **starlight  
**_ – encounter –

* * *

She's become a full-fledged recluse. She hates talking. She hates people. If it weren't for work, she'd much rather stay home and never come out of her shell. If she weren't so picky with food, she would call for pizza delivery everyday.

But, no, she's a health-nut. If she doesn't eat healthy, she feels as though her arteries will dry up or clog up or evaporate or _whatever._

She probably has OCD. She probably even has ADD. Who knows? _Oh, look—_ she takes a batch of strawberries from the pile— _20% off. Hmm._ This would taste _glorious_ with whipping cream— _oh, no, wait._ No. No to whipping cream because she still has that vanilla ice cream in the fridge to finish.

So, in the end, she leaves the store with a batch of organic strawberries, organic chicken (breast), organic salad, organic ranch, and she might as well be holding it all in a fucking organic plastic bag.

Anyway, she's going to go home, make herself a nice salad, and relax. She doesn't have work tomorrow, so maybe she can go workout some more. Even though she just swam nonstop for two hours. Whatever. Tomorrow can be leg-day.

As the sun sets over the deep purple sky, she figures that her internal clock probably doesn't work as well as she thinks it does. Like, she got off work at five. She stayed at the facility for two hours, so that would make it seven now, which…

 _Oh._

Seven. No wonder. No wonder the sun is setting. Okay, it's not her internal clock, she's just being a klutz. What the hell is wrong with her? It isn't like she did much at work today. Just normal patrol around the marketplace area, under the summer sun. Unless. Maybe she got a heatstroke? No, that doesn't make sense; she would've been seeing white when she was swimming. And she would've drowned. _Hmm._

She shakes her head.

In any case ( _holy shit_ _just stop thinking so much please_ _I might really do have ADD_ ), she picks up her pace, hoping to get back to her condo as soon as possible because Bodhum spring air really isn't as pleasant as tourists assume it to be. It's probably like ten degrees Celsius at best. Plus, living right by the beach makes it twice as bad with the ocean wind and all. _God_ she hates the cold. Tucking the straps of her duffle bag higher up her shoulder, she pulls the hood of her sweater over her head and shoves her hands into her basketball shorts. The plastic bag holding her recent purchase tapping at her knee with each step, her mind screams for her to walk faster because she _really_ wants to go home and relax.

The route she usually takes from the grocery store home is along the seawall, where the waves would wash up to the wall during high tide. It isn't high tide today, so the shorelines of the beach can be seen. If it weren't so cold, perhaps there would be people hanging out there. But it's cold. And Bodhum is known for being warm and tropical and all that crap to the people of Cocoon. Granted, right now isn't really peak season for a vacation anyway, so.

…

 _So_ why is there a girl down there, dipping her feet in that freezing water? Does she have a knack for hypothermia or something? Does she think she's poetic, staring into the sky and all? Maybe she wants to die. To drown in the water and everything. Y'know. The usual, clichéd, _boring_ type of suicide.

The water's at her knees now.

Maybe the girl really does want to die.

 _Maybe_.

… Maybe… maybe she should stop her.

 _Yes, you idiot. You're a soldier, aren't you? You signed up for this shit. Stop her. Go stop her—_

"Hey!" So she calls out, the suddenness surprising even herself. The girl doesn't answer, and only walks deeper. The water's at her thighs, she needs to do _something—_ "Hey, you!" she calls again, this time dropping her bags on the spot and sprinting forward. The seawall isn't particularly high, but she neglects the stairs and simply jumps down twenty feet because she's crazy like that, and runs towards the stranger. "Stop!"

The sand beneath her feet make it difficult for her to run faster, but she manages as she reaches the shore in no time, her runners absorbing the water like sponges and she feels just how ice-cold the water is. She grabs the girl by her sleeve-clad bicep ( _holy shit it's so bony)_ and yanks her with force, far, _far_ away from the water.

"What are you doing?!" she scolds, even though she knows the answer. But. It's just obligatory.

The girl in question's head is lowered, and it slowly rises up and her eyes seem to be wandering off in their own world—staring at everything and nothing at once as they search for the source of the sound.

Slightly concerned but more or less freaked out, the soldier tries not to be distracted by _all of the above_ and her undeniably good looks to question on, "Are you listening to me? Hello?"

And the girl's soul has returned. Her eyelids flutter and her dark, thick lashes bat delightfully as those full, emerald eyes sparkle under the starlight. "Oh!" she yelps, backing away. "I-I'm so sorry! Was I… d-did I…" pausing, she looks down at her feet, wet sand sticking up to the skin of her ankles. Then, she looks on at the horizon of the ocean. And sighs. "I wasn't doing what you thought I was doing," she faces the taller woman again. "I'm not crazy."

She is smiling. _Ooh, that smile._ That smile can kill.

"Thank you for worrying for me, though."

It suddenly comes to her that a woman cannot really pull off pigtails when she reaches adolescence—like there is no way to look _not_ stupid with them when you're old. But this girl, this— _god damn it—_ attractive, _pretty_ girl, who has (quite apparently) experienced puberty is successfully _pulling_ it off. Like, she looks good. _More_ than good. _God damn._ So good, she can't stop staring. If this were a nightclub, if the soldier were _slightly_ tipsy, she might just coax this girl into coming home with her. But. That hasn't happened for a while now, and she has to remind herself—she really, really hates the world.

So she releases her bony arm, telling her, "Stay out of the water," before walking away.

The girl giggles. And— _oh god oh god—_ it sounds magical. "You are still concerned, aren't you?" she picks up her flip flops. "Don't worry. I do this all the time—mostly when I need to think." She says, walking after the taller woman.

"You attempt suicide when you need to think?"

"No," the girl bursts into another fit of giggles. "Just, y'know?" she shrugs as she struggles to find the words. "It helps. I can't really explain, but it helps."

"Hmn." She climbs up the flight of stairs, back to the road, not really bothered by the fact that the stranger is following so closely behind. But then she sees the spot where she's ditched her items, and instantly frowns.

 _Ugh, shit._

The box of the strawberries must have opened on its own when she dropped the plastic bag. Now they're all over the concrete floor. She can probably still eat them if she washes thoroughly, but _ugh._

"I'm so sorry," the girl speaks timidly. "This is because of me, isn't it?"

Shaking her head, "It's fine," she picks up the scattered strawberries and places them back into their container before standing up again. "It's not like they're eggs or anything. I can just wash them."

"Still…"

"It's fine, really." She removes her hood, because talking is taking its toll on her, and she's starting to heat up. But some _asshole_ voice in her mind tells her that it probably isn't because of all the talking. It's probably because this girl is gorgeous and freaking adorable and it's really been _such a long time—_

"May I treat you to something?"

She blinks. For several, long, _dragged out_ seconds.

The girl smiles.

 _Sigh. She really needs to stop doing that._

"To apologize."

"…"

"I'm leaving this town soon," the girl says, and that smile falters just the slightest.

 _No. Actually, don't stop._

"… I didn't manage to meet anyone new, but maybe you can change that?"

She stares and remains quiet.

The girl grins in response. "So… I'll take that as a 'yes'?"

Another several, long, _dragged out_ seconds go by, and the taller woman still stays as quiet as a mouse. She's just staring. It's unsettling, in a way, but given how odd the circumstances they have met, nothing can weird them out at this point, really.

"I…" she clears her throat, finally speaking up, "… live right there," she points to the building down two street lamps. "And I bought dinner."

 _Wait, what?_

"Oh," the girl says. "Okay." And that smile just disappears.

 _No no no no what the fuck are you doing?!_

"Well…" her voice has gotten smaller, "have a good night, then. Thanks again." But the girl forces herself to smile again. _It's so obvious._

"Good night."

 _NO, YOU IDIOT._

The girl turns and walks the other way, and she just stares. Poor thing is wearing such a thin cardigan and small shorts and it's freezing. But, who is she to care? She's just an odd, overly-concerned stranger. She's nobody important. The girl is better off making friends with someone who _has the right_ to care.

She's nobody important.

.  
.

She's nobody important, but _god damn_ this is irritating. She's dropped off her bag of groceries by the sink. Yet she can't bring the will to wash those strawberries. She's on the sofa, looking at the black screen of her TV and she can't find the will to turn that thing on. She can't find the will to cook herself that dinner; she can't find the will to take a shower, or to even sleep.

Probably because she's an idiot.

 _Yep._ There's no other explanation.

Rolling her eyes, she grabs her wallet and stuffs it into her pocket. If she doesn't resolve this, she will never fall asleep again. _In her life._ And so, she runs out of the front door.

It takes her approximately thirty seconds to get down to the lobby, mostly because the elevator is conveniently on her floor. But she had been moping around for no particular reason for about thirty minutes, so it really isn't surprising if she can't find the girl around anymore. _Oh,_ another idiotic move, by the way. She didn't ask for her name. Great. Even her drunken state is more courteous—like, for example, she would ask for their names before dragging them into a taxi. Or she wouldn't downright reject them.

Wow. Sober-her is really rude.

She voluntarily chatters her teeth at the realization and sulks a little. Maybe that's why kicking those people out of the house the next morning is always so easy. Her soberness is the main reason she's such a bitch.

…

Come on. _That_ , really, is just an excuse.

She's just coming up with excuses. They weren't in a nightclub; they were in the middle of the street. She wasn't rude because she was sober; she was rude because she _is._

She backtracks down the two streetlamps, back to the spot where she dropped her strawberries. No, the girl isn't here. She looks down at the beach, at the exact spot where the girl was dipping her feet. No, she isn't there either. She walks further down the wall, balancing along the ledge like a grade-school child with her hands stuffed in the pockets of her zipped up sweater.

…

And, maybe it's just luck.

No, it has to be luck. It can _only_ be luck.

"… Hi." Says the girl. She is sitting on the ledge, her long legs dangling along the high wall and she is fiddling with her fingers placed on her lap.

"You're still here." She responds. Kind of rude, but it kind of works as a conversation starter.

They proceed to just stare at each other. Unmoving.

But then the girl smiles, eventually. "Don't really have anywhere else to go." She pauses and lowers her head. "You finished that dinner of yours?"

For a moment, she doesn't know how to answer. That dinner excuse was stupid. Actually, the entire conversation (on her part) was stupid. She wasn't— _isn't—_ even hungry, to be honest, but—"I forgot to buy something at the store."

"Oh."

She gnaws at her lower lip. "So,"

The girl turns to her.

"I was thinking. Maybe I can accept that apology of yours."

… _fuck._ She meant to say ' _maybe I can accept that offer of yours'._

She expects a gasp, an offended look, a mental breakdown, a _something._ But no. The girl simply softens her eyes, and that smile just gets wider. "Sure, of course." She stands and brushes the tiny pieces of gravel off her small, orange shorts, approaching the taller woman with her hands held at her back. "I don't know my way around here. Maybe you can take me to a nice restaurant?"

Scoffing a little, she arches a corner of her lips. "Are you a minor?"

The girl blinks. "That's what you want to know?" she giggles. "Do you… really want to go drinking or something?"

"Well," _not only_ , "it's a Friday night."

"Hmm," the girl nods. "Okay. I'm nineteen."

She takes a moment to glance at her. The girl looks about sixteen, but whatever. "Okay," she repeats, "let's go."

"I'm Vanille, by the way."

She stands still. A part of her contemplating for no reason at all whether it is okay to talk and another part of her _pushing her to just—_ "Lightning."

"Hmm?"

She sighs. "My name. It's Lightning."

And the girl's smile just gets wider and sweeter.

.  
.

The soldier surprisingly doesn't take her to a nightclub. Both being underdressed and all, she figures that an ordinary bar and grill restaurants would do. She doesn't want to put a strain on the poor girl's wallet anyway. Not like, she's going to let the girl pay. Yes, she admits that she is quite rude when it comes to speaking, but, come on. This is basic conduct.

And it's not even time for nightclubs to open, either.

They seat themselves at a booth in the corner of the restaurant, away from the rest of the crowd. There's a blitzball game tonight, so most of the tables that have good angles of the screens have been taken.

"Good evening, ladies," a waitress arrives at their table with two menus in her hands. "How are we doing?"

"Oh, it's a little cold," the girl speaks up. "But other than that, it's been a great night so far."

 _Ah. The talkative type._ Lightning personally never makes conversation with her servers, but okay.

"Has it?" the waitress grins, directing her attention to the other woman. "I've been working nonstop since this morning, and I can't really tell the difference between hot and cold anymore. I don't think I can even feel my feet." The waitress' attempt to make humour is laughable, but the girl giggles in response anyway. Must be playing nice. "Anyway, I'll leave these menus here. I'll come back in a bit to take your orders, alright?" she finishes with a wink and walks off.

Loud cheers blend in with the loud music blasting in the background. She looks to the closest screen and sees that the Besaid Aurochs has scored. She's not into the sport at all, but sometimes, when it's playing in the background on TV, she would listen to the commentating.

"You know,"

She turns back to the girl.

"I've never done this before."

Raising a brow, she keeps the rest of her face straight. "Done what?"

"Eat with someone I barely know." She giggles.

 _Well, she can change that when she takes her home and—_ "You don't go out much?"

"No, I'm usually really busy." Vanille shakes her head. "I don't go on vacation much. At all, really. So I think I'm quite lucky," she grins, "to be able to meet someone as beautiful as yourself."

Lightning diverts her attention down at the menu.

Seeing this, Vanille chuckles. "So, what's good here?"

She clears her throat. "Don't really know about the food. I just heard that their cocktails are alright."

Vanille peeks out from behind the menu, staring at her with those round, emerald orbs in a suspicious, _suspicious_ manner. "You're really just here to drink, aren't you?"

"Maybe." An honest answer.

Vanille chuckles again, the sound bubbling in her chest. "Okay then. I'll have whatever you order."

At this, Lightning gestures for their server, and before the latter can whip out her notepad, Lightning says to her, "Two margaritas. On the rocks."

The waitress, thoroughly confused by how straight and to-the-point the pink-haired lady is, turns to the other, red-haired girl, as if asking for her confirmation.

Vanille sees the confusion. It's practically written all over the server's face. So she helps by adding, "That'll be all, thank you."

"Not eating much tonight, are you, ladies?" she attempts awkwardly as she picks up the menus. But all she gets in response is that sweet smile from the kinder lady. "Your order will be right up." She finishes.

The two are alone again, and Vanille, of course, strikes up another conversation. "You really like getting to the point quickly, don't you?" she laughs.

"I hate small talk."

"Hm, is that so? I was just about to ask you a bunch of things, seeing how we don't even know anything about each other.

Pursing her lips into a thin line, Lightning breathed in. "I'll make it an exception for you just this once."

Vanille covers her mouth with a loose fist, hiding her giggle. "You're kind of cute."

She does not in any way feel offended, but reflex has her giving the girl an annoyed look. Weirdly, that elicits a more joyous giggle from her. It sounds delightful; it's bright and sparkly and it lights up their entire booth. And Lightning believes that she can listen to that sound for a long, long time. She _wants_ to listen to it for a long, long time.

"So, what do you do?"

Lightning sits back, makes herself comfortable, and crosses her arms. "I'm with the Guardian Corps."

"You are?" Vanille's eyes and voice become even livelier than she thinks is possible. Vanille scoots closer to the table, even though her chest is already pushing against it. "Then, it must be stressful with all the training and stuff."

Lightning draws her attention back to the girl's face. "Not in particular."

"Oh." The light immediately leaves Vanille's orbs.

Rolling her eyes, Lightning urges herself to _freaking try harder._ If she can do it drunk then there is no way she can't do it sober. And by _do it_ she means flirt, of course. "And yourself?"

Vanille widens her eyes a little. It's almost like she is surprised that Lightning is human enough to ask. Or to attempt to make conversation. Or to show reaction. "I, well, I do odd jobs, here and there," she says with a small voice, fiddling with her fingers. "It's hard to find a steady career nowadays, y'know?"

Yeah, she knows, of course. "So you're travelling by yourself?"

"…"

Shit, _shit._ Second question, and she's already making this sound like a standard Guardian Corps interrogation. No wonder the girl looks like she's freaking out. _Ugh._

"Yeah, I… needed some time off." Vanille droops her shoulders. It's almost like her body has shrunk a bit when she rubs at her biceps. "Away from where I came from."

Lightning takes the cue to ask on. It's okay to ask on _this time_ because the girl initiated, she notes mentally. "Where did you come from?"

Raising her head, Vanille all but smiles. "Eden."

"Hmn," genuinely surprised, Lightning raises a thin brow. "Why do you people come to Bodhum of all places? The capital has much more to offer."

"Well, it's just nice to have a change in environment once in a while."

Lightning opens her mouth, ready to add on to her opinion, but then the server shows up again with their drinks. "Here you ladies are… two margaritas on the rocks," and this time, she doesn't stay to talk, "enjoy your drinks!"

"Thank you," Vanille says.

Lightning pays no attention to the server, of course, and just slides her drink towards herself. She takes the wedge of lime off the glass and squeezes the juice into the beverage before dropping the entire wedge into it as well. Swirling the glass on the table a little, she sees from across that Vanille has done the same. Except, she hasn't put the lime into the drink yet. She's, _erm,_ sucking on it. Or licking. Or just nibbling. Lightning looks away, down at her margarita glass and tries to focus on just that. Her azure eyes follow the tiny beads of condensation, they follow one particular droplet that streams down the glass like _sweat_ and she scoffs silently before darting her eyes back up, and— _oh god_ —accidentally catches a glimpse of Vanille's tongue and _yep she's licking._ Lightning crosses her legs to ease the throbbing at her centre.

What is she doing? She's not even drunk yet and she's already _like this._ It's almost like she's a dog in heat. It's just humiliating. Vanille's not even doing anything sexual. There's barely any tongue. Like, it's just the tip. And they're not even making eye contact—

 _Oh shit_

—Vanille's round, doe eyes dart up and they meet her own. Lightning almost pulls away and squeaks by reflex but she bites _hard_ at her gums to force herself to stay still. Any sudden movements would make the situation weirder than it already is. But then they just stare at each other and Vanille just keeps on licking that _fucking_ lime.

"I-I'm sorry, I…"

Lightning releases her gums and she tastes blood in her mouth.

Vanille giggles and it's already established, but it sounds like music and chimes and summer breezes. "… I really like sour things."

She clenches her jaw. "What?"

"Yeah!" Vanille sucks on the wedge one more time before placing it on a napkin. "I can finish an entire lemon on my own."

 _Wait._ "What?" _So she wasn't…_

Vanille laughs. "I know, it's weird. Everyone tells me that. But I can't help it that I like sour things! It's like how people have sweet tooth. I have the same condition, just that my preference is something sour."

Lightning tries to listen, she really tries. But she is fighting that urge to slap herself across the restaurant at the same time, and she is losing. Badly. Seriously, how could she mistaken such an innocent action as something sexual? There is no deny, she really is like a dog in heat. Lightning knows and is thoroughly ashamed of herself, but _fuck._

"Lightning?" Vanille calls. "Are you okay?"

She looks up. Thank god the lighting is dim in this restaurant, because she knows that she is flushed to the core right now. Lightning sits straight. She takes Vanille's drink with one hand and her own with the other, switching their places. Vanille blinks at her in question, but Lightning speaks up before she can ask, "Mine probably has more sourness to it, seeing how you didn't toss the wedge in," this is a miracle. Lightning mentally applauds herself for not stuttering.

"But… what's tequila without lime? Let me just order another—"

"It's fine." Lightning cuts in. She looks at everything but the girl's eyes. "I'm fine."

A bit confused, but nonetheless grateful, Vanille beams. "Oh, thank you so much, Lightning!" she lifts her glass, "We should have a toast. Cheers to… being able to make a new friend on such a cold night?"

Lightning looks up. Honestly, she has no intention on making a new friend or whatever. She just wants to fuck.

 _There, she said it. Or thought it. Or something._

But she raises her glass anyway.

.  
.

* * *

 **a/n:** why the rewrite? Well, I was rereading the old _starless_ and it came to me how horribly cheesy it was, and I then immediately thought, "Ugh. Come on, Light and Vanille deserve to be written better than this," and so, here we are! The plot will stay about the same, but knowing me, I will probably make it even darker than it is. Hence, rated M now. How do you like that sexual tension in the first chapter?

If you read the original, tell me what you think about dork!Lightning and flirt!Vanille (or is she?!). If you're a first time reader then please review if FF13 still exists somewhere in your heart! D:


	2. origami

**disclaimer:** FINAL FANTASY characters © SQUARE ENIX

 **a/n:** thank you so much for the favourites/follows/reviews! You guys have no idea how happy I am to see all those familiar names! It feels like a high school reunion or something because… well, I started this story when I was in high school. Good times. :') And you newcomers as well! So pure and innocent. Don't know what you're in for and all. Oh you young, poor souls.

If Light appears to be OOC, I have a good reason for it. Kind of. You know how she always acts like she doesn't care? My headcannon is that Light actually cares a great deal on the inside. It's just that she's constantly thinking, " _Shit. I messed up. Better cover it up with an I-don't-care-face,"_ or _"Fuck me I'm stupid. Should probably hide how flustered I am by playing it cool,"_ because she's so damn proud, you know? No? Okay.

* * *

 _ **starlight  
**_ – origami –

* * *

She can't exactly recall the last time she sat down and had a meal—or just a drink—with someone. She can't remember having a normal conversation with a stranger, either. While she's sober. As in she can't remember doing it sober. _God_ she thinks like she's drunk. It's not like she's an alcoholic. It's not like she's drunk so much in the past that her brain cells are all fried up. She's just acting very unlike herself. And she doesn't know why.

Okay. Well, she kind of does.

"… then, how about this?" Vanille continues; they are walking side by side, "do you have a boyfriend?"

Lightning blinks. Apparently, that 'exception' she gave her back at the bar has extended to one hundred questions. Now _she's_ the one being interrogated.

That, and Vanille is walking her home. Kind of weird, considering that she's the less scrawny one here. And she's a soldier. If anything, shouldn't she walk the girl back to her hotel? Lightning's mind is too drunk on _something_ to question, however. She's just going along with it because, really. Who cares?

"No, I don't." Lightning answers.

"Oh?" Vanille blinks in surprise. "But you're so pretty."

Lightning decides that she can say the same about her, but she doesn't. She thinks it's weird to randomly compliment someone's looks. But she really should, though. "I really don't."

Vanille taps a finger at her chin, as if deep in thought. "What about a girlfriend?"

At this, Lightning doesn't know if she should take that simply as a question. One of the many random things that she's asking. So, is she asking or… is she asking _asking?_ Because that's a big difference. Vanille's offer to treat her to dinner—or the drink (which she did, despite Lightning's weak attempt to protest)— _whatever_ , the moment they made eye contact when Vanille was licking that wedge of lime ( _oh that tongue_ ), and now she's walking her home. Lightning wonders if she is being courted.

"No."

Vanille gawks. "No way."

Lightning doesn't understand why it's so hard to believe. So she explains, oddly with a load of honesty. "The timing's never right."

And as if she can empathize with her, Vanille just smiles sadly. "I see."

The two remain quiet the rest of the way, and it's a comfortable quiet, no matter how heavy the tension is. Or, at least Lightning thinks it's heavy. Maybe she's just horny. She doesn't know. And it's annoying as hell because she's sweating even though the air is freezing. Thank god the building of her condo is in sight.

"Well, this is you." Vanille smiles.

"This is me." Lightning repeats.

Vanille looks into the cozy lobby and Lightning just stares at her. Then Vanille suddenly turns back to her, and Lightning reacts like an _idiot_ and just looks to the sky. Vanille just giggles. "Thank you for tonight, Lightning. Bodhum's my last stop. After this, I… I think I'm going to go back."

"Back?"

She nods. "To Eden."

"Oh." Lightning realizes that her voice came out in a mumble for some reason.

"I'm really glad I was able to meet you." Vanille reaches out a hand, waiting for the taller woman to take it, "my visit here would've been quite dull, otherwise."

Lightning isn't listening. She's just staring at the girl's feeble hand.

"Lightning?"

She raises her head and their eyes clash. Hesitant, she eventually takes the girl's hand and grips it. Grips it, but with such a delicate strength that she did not know she possessed.

Vanille smiles that cute smile of hers and it's comfortable, peaceful.

Lightning then forgets to breathe and nearly chokes because Vanille is fucking gorgeous and Lightning's lungs are the first to malfunction. Of all the internal organs, Lightning actually betted on the heart because it's been pounding for quite a while now. But it turns out that her lungs are weaker. Oh well. At least she's still alive.

Then she remembers that some sick part of her has been looking to _fuck_ this girl since laying eyes on her. And in spite of herself (her other, more _civil_ self), she can't stop it. She knows she shouldn't, especially since she hasn't been doing it for a while, but there's no deny. She has been in withdrawal. She wants _it._

"Hey," Lightning starts, pulling her hand back to herself, "how soon are you leaving?"

Vanille's hand lingers in the air for a short while. "Probably tomorrow, if there are tickets available. I'll have to go to the station early to check."

"I see." She responds. Lightning looks into the lobby, contemplating slightly before turning back to her. "You down to make your stay in this town a bit less dull?"

Stunned, it takes Vanille exactly six seconds to react— _Lightning knows because she counted_ —by losing herself into a fit of giggles. "What do you have in mind?"

She shrugs. This part is usually easier when she's tipsy. "Want to come up for a drink?"

"Mmm…" Vanille mock-glares at her. "Lightning…"

She looks away. "What."

"Are you an alcoholic?"

"What? No." Lightning almost looked offended. _Almost._

Vanille's glare softens and she is smiling again. "Then… you're inviting me into your home?"

Lightning swallows. She nods once.

"Even though you barely know me?"

 _Well_ , if she puts it that way. Lightning realizes that it does sound kind of bad. Then again, she's done worse. Like, _a lot_ worse. "I know your name." she defends.

Vanille gives her a half smile and a very sarcastic stare. She looks as though she's enjoying this, but then she looks like she's angry as well. But it's cute. Honestly, she's very cute. Every expression she has made so far is cute. "Yeah, but… I'm pretty much a stranger. Even though we had a drink and I asked you like a hundred questions. I mean, what if I turn out to be a bad person, and I steal all your belongings?"

Lightning raises a brow. "Really? _You_?"

"Well, yeah! Criminals can come in all shapes and sizes!"

She scoffs. "If you end up being a criminal, then I'll just punish you."

Vanille eyelids flutter.

Lightning nearly gasps out loud. _Wait wait shit, she meant—_ "Arrest." She corrects quickly, "… arrest." She says one more time just to make sure.

It doesn't seem like Vanille picked up the innuendo, however. _Thank god._ Because she's nodding now, as if Lightning's rationalization makes sense. If that _even_ makes sense. "That's true," she says to herself. "Alright then. If it's okay with you."

 _YES!—_ "Yeah."

Vanille grins. "Really okay?"

Lightning nods again.

And Vanille just widens that grin. "Okay." She turns towards the entrance of the building, arms behind her back, "lead the way."

Lightning tries not to act too eager. But. _She is,_ so. That's kind of difficult. And she wonders why the girl doesn't worry for her own safety. "Here," she says simply and walks into the lobby, opening the door for the girl.

"Thank you." Vanille hums sweetly.

They walk in. The security guard sitting behind the counter gives Lightning a look. It's the typical _oh-Miss-Farron-is-bringing-home-another-person_ look. Or the _I-am-going-to-watch-these-two-do-it-in-the-elevator_ look. Typical indeed. In her defense though, she hasn't been doing it for a few… _er,_ weeks. And it's not like she's going to do it to Vanille. At least not right now. Or not in the elevator.

"Good evening, Miss Farron." The security guard greets.

Lightning just nods (as she usually does), but Vanille makes it up to the poor old man by waving her tiny hand at him. They wait for the elevator together; meanwhile, Lightning tries not to think how often her hormones would have let loose _right here_ and she would just pin the people she brings home onto the wall the moment that door opens. Doesn't really matter guy or girl. Lightning just does it. She thinks she has an issue with dominance. _But_ she's not drunk right now, she notes, so she can't exactly act like an animal. Still, it's hard. Because at the corner of her eyes though, she sees how small Vanille's frame is and easily pictures how much _smaller_ she would be on her bed. How _cute_ she would be when she's squirming beneath her. _Ooh._ And how sweet her voice would sound when she—

"Lightning?"

She glances up. Vanille's holding the door for her and is just. _Damn._ So freaking innocent.

"Which floor do you live on?"

Lightning walks in. "Thirteenth."

.  
.

They enter her flat, and although she has a more than steady income and her parents _were_ quite wealthy, Lightning says something really stupid. "This isn't much." She watches Vanille take off her flip-flops and subsequently spins around to give her an _are-you-kidding-me_ look.

"Are you kidding me?"

 _Yeah, nope._ Lightning bites her lower lip.

"This place isn't _isn't much_! I mean, look at it! You have an ocean view and everything!" Vanille laughs as she skips into the living room, which is right to the left of the entrance. "Now you'll have to be careful that I don't steal your _entire_ home!" she jokes.

Lightning wants to tell her to try, but she just breathes out a sound of amusement. "Have a seat," she says, surprising even herself with all the politeness. "I'll get you something to drink."

"Thank you." Vanille makes her way over to the white, leather sofa and takes a seat.

… _Well,_ this is weird. When Lightning brings them home, they usually go straight to that one specific room (i.e. _her_ room), but Vanille's just. Not… going there. Probably just for now. Eventually, it'll happen. But it's still weird. Lightning drops the idea for now and heads into the open kitchen, and somehow reprehends that even though her place is really nice and chic and modern, she doesn't like how everything is just so _open_. It never came to her that she would hate her place solely because of this reason. Then again, this reason alone is ridiculous, and it probably will never come to her again when Vanille leaves, but _point is_ , right now, she doesn't like how no matter where she looks, she sees _her_.

And as if said girl has the power of telepathy or something, she turns to her, showing off those beautiful cheeks as she smiles.

Lightning swears, that smile is dangerous. _She's_ dangerous. And so, she avoids it as if it were a fucking Gatling gun. She nearly throws herself behind the counter of the sink, but she screams in her mind that Vanille isn't really trying to gun her down. Lightning comes to the conclusion that her sober mind is just trying to mess her up. So she plays it cool and distracts herself by occupying her hands, blindly feeling for something to hold onto on the counter.

 _Oh,_ strawberries. And that packaged organic chicken and salad.

That's right. She just left them here before making record time heading down the lobby earlier. Smooth. Lightning rolls her eyes to her idiocy. She stuffs the chicken and the salad into the fridge and proceeds to grab a glass serving bowl from the cupboard. She just dumps the box of strawberries into it and turns the tab on, pretending to be very interested in the cool, running water so that she doesn't have to look at Vanille.

"Lightning, do you need help?" But, Vanille makes her look anyway.

Lightning recovers quickly. But it's not like she showed much of a reaction to begin with, so it's all good. "No." she answers, looking back down.

"Are you sure? I can—"

"It's fine," Lightning cuts her off with a rather soft voice. "Just sit. You're the guest."

Vanille hesitates, but doesn't protest. She keeps her hands in her lap and stares at them.

Feeling a bit guilty for some reason, Lightning sighs. Typically, she isn't the one who tends to her guests. As in, tending to them like _actual_ guests. Like, those who come in for tea and stuff. Not the ones who come in for a fling or whatever. Her point is, she isn't the one who makes tea. That job is usually left to someone else.

But that someone else isn't here anymore.

Lightning drains the water in the glass bowl. She wipes her hands dry and doesn't know whether to get the champagne glasses or the shot glasses. But she quickly realizes that no one really serves his or her first time guests with hard liquor. And this isn't a high school party or anything, so. _No vodka tonight_. She grabs two champagne glasses from another cupboard before making her way over to Vanille.

"I'm sorry again, about the strawberries." Vanille says, strangely not-so-apologetically. It almost sounds like she's amused.

Lightning places the bowl and glasses down onto the coffee table. "Like I said, they're not eggs. It's not like they exploded or anything."

"No, I mean I'm sorry," Vanille takes a strawberry and takes such a small bite she might as well not bite at all. Her pink lips _suck_ at the tip and Lightning thinks she's going to lose it. "… sorry that I'm probably going to eat them all." She finishes with a wink before putting the rest of the fruit into her mouth.

Lightning swallows, like she's swallowing _with_ Vanille. The lump in the girl's throat moves _very_ evidently and Lightning fights the _hot_ shudder that shoots down her spine. _Okay._ So, that lime thing back at the bar was probably just a coincidence. But this. _This._ Vanille is flirting. She's obviously flirting. If this isn't flirting, then Lightning is a dude. "I… uh." She clears her throat, "I'm going to get the champagne."

"Okay," Vanille says, her voice innocent.

She returns in a flash, paying homage to her namesake. Probably because she really needs to get drunk. Just as quickly, she removes the foil of the bottle, twisting the cork loose to let the gas slowly leak out before finishing up in hidden-desperation by popping it open. The cork didn't shoot up to the ceiling, so there's that. Lightning mentally pats herself on the back for being able to maintain her composure while _opening champagne_. She takes a glass and tilts it at an angle before pouring. "Here," she says, handing it to the girl.

"Thank you." Vanille says. She takes another strawberry. Lightning prays that she doesn't bite into it again because she doesn't know if she can take any more of the sight of that _torturous tongue—_

 _Blop_.

Vanille just drops the strawberry into her drink. The champagne sizzles around fruit and Lightning finds the sight to be… _hm,_ she doesn't want to say arousing. But.

It is.

Vanille takes a sip and Lightning's eyes follow lump in her throat as it bobs.

"I like this," Vanille speaks up.

Lightning shifts her attention away. She pours herself a glass and finds herself a comfortable spot on the floor. That decision to buy this white, fluffy sheepskin rug to match the sofa was a good one.

"Oh, Lightning, don't sit on the floor! Come here, sit with me." Vanille says as she scoots over. She pats on the seat beside her.

"I'm fine," she states with a smooth voice. _Another pat on the back._

Vanille frowns and her entire body slumps. "That's all you've been saying tonight…"

Lightning clenches her jaw a little. That guilt is coming back, and she knows it's because she's acting like a bitch again. She averts her gaze, eyes unconsciously moving down to Vanille's kneecaps. "I, um, I just like this angle." _… shit_ —she tears her eyes away from Vanille's legs.

Confused, Vanille just blinks.

But Lightning presses on despite the mess-up. "And I like sitting on the ground," she reasons, and interesting enough, she thinks she's making it somewhat logical.

"You're a funny person." Vanille responds. Suddenly, out of nowhere "Then may I sit beside you?"

Lightning feels that she's widened her eyes so abruptly that her eyeballs might just fall out of their sockets. And when she doesn't respond fast enough, Vanille takes the initiative to slide down her seat so that she's sitting beside Lightning. "Yeah." She answers, about a few seconds _after_ Vanille has completed the action.

And, to add on to Vanille's comment from earlier, Lightning doesn't find herself to be _funny_ in any way. If anything, she'd say she's quite boring. But okay.

"Oh, I mean you're funny in a cute way, by the way." Vanille adds, taking a sip from her glass.

Lightning takes a sip too, trying to hide her blush.

"Do you do this often?"

She looks up in an instant, suddenly forgetting about her blush. "Do what?"

"Inviting people you've just met into your house. It was really natural when you asked me, so I just figured."

Lightning could have laughed out loud. Here she is, thinking that she is (and was) being anything _but_ natural, and yet her guest is telling her that she _was_ natural? Wow. Somebody give her a _best actress_ award. But it is true that she invites people over _a lot_. Except, obviously in another way. So—"Not that often. Just once in a while," she answers.

"Then I'm pretty lucky, aren't I?" Vanille remarks as places her glass onto the coffee table.

Lightning pours her some more champagne.

"I have to warn you though," Vanille says just as the woman in question finishes. "I'm actually quite a lightweight."

Lightning glances at her just as she finishes twisting the bottle.

"So if I pass out or anything, please don't get mad at me." She giggles.

 _Ugh._ How can this girl be so freaking innocent? She's practically relying her safety on a complete stranger right here. "I won't get mad at you," Lightning responds dutifully, now feeling like a fucking asshole for inviting this sweet, kind, young girl in just so she can bed her. "If anything, you can sleep here if you want." She wants to add that she will not do anything inappropriate.

But apparently, Vanille has absolute trust in her. "You're really kind, Lightning. At first I thought you would be a mean person because… I mean, no offense, but your resting face makes you look like you're going to kill an entire herd of Long Gui."

She blinks. It's the first time she's heard it said in that way, but on the basis, "I get that a lot."

"Aw, it's okay," Vanille gives her a few friendly pats on the shoulder, "I think you are really nice. Like… at least you're not a kidnapper or anything. Or you're not taking advantage of me. Do you have any idea how many people are like that out there? It's kind of unsettling. But then again, you're so beautiful—I think _you_ should be the one to worry if anyone tries to kidnap you or take advantage of you."

Lightning chews at her lip. _Fuck you, irony._

The two continue to talk. Well, it's mostly Vanille doing the talking. Lightning's just there, really. And to be honest, she's such a shitty host. Vanille asks her casual questions, and she either nods or just grunts. It isn't until they finish the whole bottle of champagne that Lightning realizes Vanille's face is completely pink.

"Oh, I…" Vanille sees that the other woman is just staring at her. "I'm really sorry, I'm talking too much, aren't I? You've barely spoken at all."

Lightning shakes her head. "I barely speak at all, anyway. It doesn't matter." She stands and heads into the kitchen to get another bottle. She's thinking maybe _now_ they can have something harder than champagne? Because she really wants some vodka, but… okay, _nah_. That's probably too much. She takes the same champagne and opens it by the sink this time before going back.

When she returns, Vanille greets her with a smile. "I did mention that I'm a lightweight, right?"

She shrugs. "Like I said, if you do end up passing out, I'll let you stay over."

"I'll try not to pass out," Vanille giggles. "That would be really embarrassing. And it's been such a long time since I was able to just sit down and drink with a friend."

"You don't hang out with your friends back at Eden?" Lightning asks as she pours into their glasses.

"My friends…" Vanille hugs her knees. "They're not around."

A brow quirks upward. "Your friends don't live in Eden?"

The girl just shakes her head, smiling as usual.

Lightning figures that it's about her turn to ask questions. In a friendly way, of course. Can't go scaring the girl off after she's given such a normal vibe. "What about your family?"

"I, um," Vanille begins sheepishly. "I'm actually an orphan."

The weight of an anvil drops onto her chest and Lightning wishes she could swallow back the puke she just projected all over the girl. Metaphorically speaking, of course. "I'm sorry," she says, and decides that she needs to back up her apology. "My… parents aren't around anymore, either."

Vanille looks at her with sympathetic eyes. "How old were you then?"

"Thirteen or so," Lightning loosens up. She leans back against the sofa behind her and crosses her legs. "I was in class when the headmaster called for my name over the P.A," she finishes with a shrug. "Been living alone since then." _No she hasn't._ There's more she could and _should_ add, but she doesn't. She's too scared to.

"I've been living alone for a long time too," Vanille places a hand over hers and gives her a gentle smile. "We finally have something in common, huh?" She comments, her voice soft.

This time, Lightning returns the smile.

And right away, she sees Vanille's round, green eyes widen a little.

A normal reaction, if she can say so herself. Lightning doesn't smile often, but she knows that when she does, the effect it creates is astronomical. She doesn't normally pay much attention to it. Like, sure, she makes people's heart beat faster and blush and whatever, but there never is a sense of accomplishment. It's like when you finish a few shots with a random audience watching. They cheer for you and everything, but they're not going to remember it for life.

But with Vanille, it feels different. Somehow.

For example, upon smiling, Lightning would immediately let it disappear. She smiles because it helps her achieve whatever it is she wants. She smiles because it increases her charisma by a few _hundredfold_. She knows this, and that's why she doesn't smile often. She _can't._ But right now, she's still smiling, and she can't seem to stop it.. For once, it's involuntary. Like some alien force is making her do it, but it doesn't feel weird. It just gives her this warm feeling. It's natural.

And it's completely natural, when Lightning's eyes dart down to Vanille's slightly parted lips.

Vanille does it too, except she's more timid about it.

Their eyes meet again at the same time, and there is a hidden intensity lingering around them. Lightning doesn't realize that she is leaning closer while the girl is still as a statue. _Statuesque._

Their lips are a mere inch apart when Vanille gasps and turns away.

Lightning backs away in an instant, knowing that she fucked up. _Of course_ she did. People don't turn away from her. _No one_ turns away from her. "I'm sorry," she mumbles.

Vanille shakes her head. "No, I… _I'm_ sorry. I think I've had too much to drink." She stands up. That comfortable feeling around them having turned into something entirely awkward.

Lightning stands with her. She wants to tell her to sit down, she wants to tell her that she's sorry a few _million_ more times, and she wants to punch herself right then and there for acting like a horny bitch. But she just spreads her arms because she thinks Vanille is about to keel over.

And she does. Cliché as hell, but she does.

Lightning doesn't wrap her arms around the girl like she thought she would, however. She just steadies her and helps her stand.

"Thank you," Vanille says, in a voice so small Lightning can barely hear. "I think… I should go."

"I'll walk you back."

"No," she shakes her head. "I just walked you home. If you walk me back, then that would be quite ridiculous, wouldn't it?" Vanille laughs.

"You can barely stand." Lightning argues.

"I'm fine, really," she insists. "Just some fresh air and my head will be clear."

"But—"

"Please don't." Vanille interrupts. "Please don't worry for me." And this time, her voice is firm, determined. But her eyes are wavering—like they're troubled. Like she has _more_ to say. Her mouth is hung open slightly and she definitely has more to say. "I… I'm not…"

Lightning wants her to speak. She wants Vanille to voice out whatever the hell she wants because if she heads out of the door now, Lightning may never get to hear it again.

But she doesn't. Vanille offers her a last, sad smile. "Thank you for everything." And she walks past the taller woman.

"Wait." Lightning snaps and her voice echoes in the room. Another voice in her head echoes, asking her _what the hell_ she thinks she's doing, but she ignores it. She _needs_ to do this. Lightning spins around, facing Vanille's back. "Do you have to go?"

Vanille stiffens. "Yeah," she doesn't turn around when she speaks. "If I don't, I…"

Lightning watches her shoulder shake. Then, Vanille turns to her. Yet another sad smile. Lightning likes it better when she smiles genuinely with happiness. It suits her more.

"It's the timing," Vanille says. "Maybe if it's right, I would stay longer." She backs away. "Goodbye, Lightning."

And Lightning just stands there lifelessly as Vanille exits her condo.

.  
.

Shit, shit, _shit._

Lightning is tired and cranky and _pissed_ the fuck off but she's still pacing herself. She's drank like a three cups of plain coffee and she's running on fumes. Or caffeine. Same thing. She's a pretty fast runner—probably faster than most of the men in her squad (hence the name), but when she's tired and is high on caffeine, her speed would be kind of unstable.

But she's still running. She's running with her hands stuffed in her pocket and she's fiddling nervously with the moldy bill of her grocery shopping list from yesterday. It's about 4:55am and the station is about to open. She's thought about it the entire night and _knows_ that there is no excuse. She has to come here. She has to _be_ here, otherwise she won't be able to sleep in peace for the rest of her life.

She arrives, and the workers are just opening the gates. The people queuing pick up their luggage and walk in single-file as per instructions. Lightning looks into the line, and does not see the one, specific person she's come for. So she looks at the clock tower above the station. Exactly 5:00am. Well, Lightning's on time, but what really _is_ time anyway? She has no idea when Vanille is going to come. Hell, the girl herself said that she hasn't even bought the tickets yet. Who knows if she'd even come?

Lightning's not going to leave, though. She's come all this way.

…

… But then hours go by. Hours and _hours._ The dark sky turns bright blue and the temperature rises. Not exactly warm, but just about better than freezing. People come and go. They enter and leave the station. Lightning sees strangers and their families and friends exchange heartwarming embraces; she sees tearful goodbyes, and suddenly wonders if she could have done something like that. She wonders if she even has the right to _say_ goodbye. Not just to Vanille, but to—

The clock tower sounds. Lightning looks up. It sounds twelve times and it is noon.

Lightning thinks her timing is shit.

Bright blue turns orange, and orange turns navy, and navy turns black. It turns cold and the streetlights turn on. Lightning sighs. The Bodhum Train Station only has one gigantic entrance, so there is no way she missed her. Maybe she's just not coming. There is relief in there somewhere, but the paranoid part of her still screams that Vanille's probably left.

The clock tower sounds again, like it does every hour. Seven times.

She looks at the clock again. The small hand points to a gigantic _VII._ And it's really odd how she can change so quickly. Just around twenty-four hours ago, she was going all OCD and ADD, shopping for dinner. Just around twenty-four hours ago, she was angry, moody. Just around twenty-four hours ago, she only wanted to be home. It's odd that she's come so far. Literally. From her condo to the station is like a half an hour walk. But if Lightning's not thinking so literally, she admits that as a person, she has changed quite drastically in the past twenty-four hours.

For one— _she looks away from the tower—_ when she sees this girl, standing in front of her, she knows around twenty-four hours ago, she wouldn't be smiling so much like an idiot that she is right now.

"You're here." Said girl greets her with a smile that is way more adorable when compared her own.

For another, Lightning knows that twenty-four hours ago, she wouldn't even bother responding. "Yeah," she says. Her cheeks are starting to hurt, but she can't stop smiling. "Your timing is pretty bad."

Vanille laughs, and it is the rich, charming sound that Lightning adores. "Usually it's okay. It's only when I'm uncertain that it gets out of hand."

"What were you uncertain of?"

Vanille takes a step closer. She clasps her hands behind herself. "Whether to come here, or to go to you."

A pause, and then Lightning's eyes widen a little at the realization.

"It wasn't until fifteen minutes ago that the security guard came out and told me that you weren't home. Good thing he recognized me, but I must've looked like the biggest creeper," she chuckles, feeling silly. "So, that was when I figured that you are probably here."

Lightning hears herself laughing. It's soft, but it's been a while. "So the guard has the worst timing of all, huh?"

Vanille laughs along, happiness brimming from her beautiful voice. "If only he told me sooner,"

"We wouldn't be starving." Lightning says.

"Yeah," she giggles. "And if I wasn't in such a rush, running here like a maniac, I probably would've gotten you some flowers or something."

"Flowers?" Lightning tilts her head. "Why flowers?"

"Well…" Vanille stutters, "I just thought… if I were being courted, I would want flowers as gifts. I just thought that it'd be the same for other girls." She looks at her feet, and then back up at Lightning, who is bearing a bored expression. "Do you… not like flowers?"

Lightning just stares at her. "No, I do like them," she explains flatly. "Just. You really _were_ courting me, huh?"

"I thought I was being quite obvious…"

Lightning rolls her eyes. She stuffs a hand into the pocket of her sweater and pulls out the grocery shopping bill she was playing with earlier. "You would want flowers if you were being courted?"

Vanille nods.

Lightning shakes her head and lets out a breath of amusement. Then she starts straightening the piece of paper as well as she can and folds it into a triangle, then a square, then a triangle again, then some more triangles, until it somewhat resembles a flower. "Here," she says, handing the piece of origami to the girl.

Vanille blinks. Took a moment, but she finally takes the piece into her hands. "It's beautiful," she whispers. It's like she's talking to herself. When she looks up again, her cheeks are pink. "Thank you," she tiptoes.

And Lightning is reduced into a pile of goo when those soft lips touch her cheek.

.  
.

* * *

 **a/n:** do you guys feel the darkness despite all this fluff? If not then I'm doing quite a shit job at foreshadowing lol. Anyway, wow. Look how quickly I updated. Don't think I've done that for any of my stories since the early _starless_ days. So, please review!


	3. kiss

**disclaimer:** FINAL FANTASY characters © SQUARE ENIX

 **a/n:** WHAT THE. Another update so soon?! Here comes more hardcore crushing-on-Vanille for Light! And it is ultimately a build-up chapter, so nothing interesting happens. Carry on and SHOW YOUR LIGHTNING/VANILLE LOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE BECAUSE THERE'S LIKE A TON OF PLACES WHERE YOU CAN DO THAT RIGHT—

* * *

 _ **starlight  
**_ – kiss –

* * *

When she wakes up, she is not lying in bed. She isn't naked, and she doesn't feel sticky and gross and she isn't hungover. Lightning is awake, sitting awkwardly on the same living room floor covered by that sheepskin rug, and she is resting her head just as awkwardly on the sofa.

And the most awkward thing is, Vanille's face is right in front of hers. Like, literally two inches away. If Lightning so as much as tilt forward, they would probably bump foreheads. Now, why she would want to do that is beyond her, but the thought is there. Maybe she's thinking so weirdly because of all the champagne. Like she said, she's not hungover or anything, but they _did_ drink some more after coming home from dinner. It was all good though; Lightning finds it weird that Vanille would agree, but it seems like the girl would agree to anything she suggests. So. There's that.

Speaking of the girl— _Lightning shifts her wandering attention to her—_ she's so freaking adorable. The room is still lit, and if Lightning has to guess, it's probably three in the morning or something. She doesn't really care. It's not like she has work tomorrow, anyway. They've fallen asleep together. Not together _together_. As in, probably not at the same time, but… _well._ Lightning shifts a little, backing away the slightest just so she can get a better look at her.

Her pale lips part and come together, synchronizing with the rising and falling of her shoulders. Lightning realizes now that they're so close, she can see that Vanille's lashes are naturally long. Maybe as long as her own, and being the self-conscious person she is, Lightning knows that she has really long and lush eyelashes. Lightning lets out a breath. It's like a sigh, but not really, because she isn't exactly saddened about something. It's more like a sigh of relief— _okay,_ there you go. She's relieved. For some reason. Lightning doesn't really know why, nor does she want to delve too deeply into the matter, but she does know that she is getting _some_ form of relief by looking at the redhead lying asleep on her sofa.

… in her condo.

Her place.

 _Oh._

This is what she wanted originally. _Wow._ Is she lucky or what? How easy it would be to just have Vanille come home with her. Again. Except Lightning doesn't exactly want Vanille to be like the others. Doesn't want it to be a one-night thing. Doesn't want _just_ one night. Not that she doesn't want to sleep with her, but. Y'know. With Vanille, it's just different. Like, for one (or for many) Lightning's experienced a series of _firsts_ when it comes to Vanille. She didn't meet her at a nightclub. They were both sober when they first conversed. She invited Vanille into her home, sober. She restraint herself even though she usually wouldn't. As in, she didn't sleep with her. And finally, she chased after her. Lightning _chose_ to chase Vanille. Not because she wants to sleep with her, but, _um_ , she doesn't really know.

Lightning blushes at the thought. _See,_ it's embarrassing when she thinks about it so much, so she best not.

Still, she wants to know. Exactly _what_ are they now? Just friends? More than friends? Well, they can't exactly be 'couple' yet. Like, they've known each other for less than twelve hours, technically. There's probably a very specific word that describes their relationship. Lightning just can't really think straight right now.

Vanille stirs in her sleep, and Lightning stops trying to think.

Then, she opens her eyes. Blank, hazy green orbs blink slowly. For a second, Lightning thinks she is looking at a soulless person. But when Vanille looks at her, those eyes return to the bright emerald colour she is familiar with. "Hello." She smiles, her voice tired.

Lightning tries to keep her voice smooth. "You fell asleep."

"Mmn…" she rubs her eyes before breaking into a grin. "I know you did too."

"It was getting late." Lightning reasons.

"You could've gone to your bed…" Vanille pouts, looking somewhat guilty.

Lightning's heart sways a little at the adorable sight. "I," she looks away, "couldn't leave you alone out here."

Vanille, who is still lying sideways on the sofa, just smiles. "This is the reason I wonder why you're single."

Her eyelids flutter rapidly. She's not, strictly saying, offended, but Vanille did take her by surprise.

And seeing this, Vanille giggles. "I mean to say, you're really sweet, Lightning. And you're so beautiful, too."

This time, Lightning blushes so hard she actually forgets to turn away. She just stays there, stunned. For a second, she forgets how to breathe and all she can hear, can _notice_ is her heart hammering against her ribcage. "Uh," she clears her throat, struggling to formulate her words. "Thank you."

There is a moment of silence that follows her words. Lightning thinks it's because Vanille is waiting for her to go on—after all, just a _thank you_ is lame as hell. Like, _come on._ It's her cue to talk back! Lightning has to continuously remind herself that she doesn't need alcohol or the nightclub to be good at flirting. If she can do it drunk, she can _most definitely_ do it sober. It's like she can beat up stalkers when she's drunk. By contrast, beating people up is way more difficult than flirting, right?

But when she summons enough willpower and courage to carry on the conversation, she sees Vanille still grinning at her. And all the courage she's gathered a second ago disappears just like that. Lightning looks away, praying to the gods that Vanille can't see how red her face is.

"Lightning,"

But Vanille calls her name, and she has no choice but to look back. That grin of hers softens into a gentle smile. Her round, emerald green eyes twinkle like stars beneath the lights of the room. They are so bright and beautiful and nice and _did she mention sparkly?_ Lightning shakes herself back to her senses. Can't go looking like an idiot again. But, like, how can she not? With eyes like those, _anyone_ would lose their minds. They're just. Entrancing? Dreamy? _Ugh._ These words are so cheesy.

"I'm glad that I am able to meet you." Vanille suddenly continues.

Okay, well, not suddenly. Mere seconds have past since she's last spoken, but it definitely _felt_ like a year or something because she's acting so damn ridiculous right now. And, ridiculous as she is, Lightning just stares in response.

"You're the nicest person I've come across in a long time," she says softly. "Honestly, nothing's good ever happened to me since… well, I can't really remember. So, I, um…" Vanille pauses to chuckle, and her cheeks turn pink. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, I think I really like you."

Lightning's eyes widen. Like, _bulge._ Her jaw is probably hanging loose as well. And she doesn't know if she's actively breathing or not. The room is spinning. It's heating up. _Oh god._ Is she still alive?!

"Oh, Lightning, you're—" Vanille laughs. She sits up and Lightning's eyes follow her every move. "Your face is so red! It looks like you're about to explode, oh my goodness!" Vanille pulls her up onto the sofa and goes on giggling so adorably Lightning wonders if she's human. "I'm so sorry, Lightning. Are you okay?" Vanille is apologizing, but she is still very apparently laughing.

This. _This_ Lightning doesn't know how to deal with.

Oh, here's another first. First time not knowing how to deal with that pounding heart, spinning head, and flushing face of hers. Wow. Three at a time. Vanille's really hitting the jackpot, isn't she?

The fact that she is currently fighting a losing war against her conscience, which is clearly taunting her, doesn't stop Lightning from remembering that she is trying to be _nice._ She clears her throat," I'm fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, just…" she swallows. Lightning has several responses she wants to use, some of which include: _you scared me. Nobody's ever been so forward with me. I like you too._ But she ends up with, "… Um."

It seems as though Vanille can see that she is having a hard time though, because despite how stupid of an answer she has given, the girl has stopped herself from laughing, and is rubbing Lightning's back. "Feeling better?"

Lightning just nods. Not that she has anything to say, anyway. Or if she can form a coherent sentence.

"Say, Lightning." Vanille starts. "I think I'm going to live at an inn, after all."

She blinks. Oh man, did she do something wrong _again_? Is her creeper side showing form? What the _hell_ happened?!

Smiling, Vanille shakes her head. "It has nothing to do with you, Lightning, please don't be mistaken. I just… think that moving in is kind of too soon…"

 _Oh._ Lightning could roll her eyes. But she doesn't. "It's not like I'm not charging you. You still have to pay rent, you know?"

"Yeah, I know, but…" Vanille says. "You're being so nice to me, Lightning…"

She tilts her head slightly. So… is Vanille saying that she's being suspicious? So she _is_ being creeper. _Oh god—_

"Oh, I don't mean that you're being suspicious or anything!" Vanille quickly adds. "It just makes me feel so guilty, y'know? We've only just met. And in such an odd setting, too. You thought I was trying to kill myself for goodness' sake! Don't I weird you out?"

Lightning begs herself to not say anything stupid. To just say whatever is on her mind, because that's how she usually gets through things. "Only if you keep rejecting my offer." Okay. A bit rude, but. _Okay._

Vanille pouts, clearly dissatisfied with her answer.

Lightning sighs. She needs to try harder. "Look, it's fine, okay? If anything—" _try harder!_ "—I, uh, I like your company." She gnaws at her lower lip as she waits for Vanille to speak up. When she doesn't, Lightning _knows_ that she isn't trying hard enough. "I mean, I… I don't exactly like living alone," she says. "It's been a while since my parents died, and I'm used to it, but still. Sometimes it's nice to have someone here."

Immediately, Vanille's expression falls. She scoots closer to Lightning and takes her hand.

Lightning accepts the gesture quite naturally. "That's why I would like it," she says, smiling, "if you stayed."

Vanille blushes beautifully and returns the smile. She holds onto her hand. Her warm grip radiates a sort of familiarity, and Lightning concludes that it is a very comforting feeling. "If…" her voice cracks, as if she's about to cry because she's just heard the most emotional speech of all time. "If you are willing to have me, Lightning. I would be happy to stay."

.  
.

On Sundays, Lightning usually spends her time at the gym, where she would run her heart out. Or, she would spend her time along the seawall… also running her heart out.

Today, Lightning decides that she can break out of her routine and do something different. Hanging out with Vanille seems like an okay idea. No, Lightning knows it's more than okay. She knows she _wants_ to hang out with Vanille. She's just being difficult.

The dinner she's bought from two nights ago ends up being their breakfast, and despite Vanille's protests, Lightning insists that this first meal is on the house. Of course, Vanille just pouts and starts going on about how she feels bad, and Lightning would act as though she's annoyed and everything, but she's ultimately amused by the girl's reactions. Any of her reactions, really.

"You're making me regret my decision, Lightning…" Vanille drones, her shoulders slouch as she picks at her salad.

Lightning sighs. She doesn't know how many times she's said 'it's fine' in the past two days, but she will most definitely be saying it more. "I said it's fine."

Vanille gives her a look, then she continues to pick her salad. "Okay, I've made up my mind."

Lightning looks up from her breakfast, fully alerted. It's like she's scared that Vanille's going to move out or something. Which she is.

"I'm going to find a job today, and I will pay you the entire rent as soon as the paycheque comes out."

She tries to hide it, but a small crack of her smile slips out. Lightning ends up smirking. "Okay. What kind of job are you planning to look for?" She asks, hiding it quickly. Good thing Vanille isn't looking.

Said girl exhales. "I don't really know. I guess… it doesn't matter. As long as I can earn enough money to pay the rent."

 _Doesn't matter._ Lightning sees her troubled expression and understands her struggle. She knows that she shouldn't, and definitely _wouldn't_ if this were about herself. But technically, this isn't about her. It's about Vanille. Vanille needs help. She's just helping Vanille. "I know you don't want my help," she starts.

Vanille looks up.

"But," she continues, trying to play it as casual as possible, "if I don't do something, you'll be stressed out, and it'll get me stressed out, and it just won't be good for either one of us." Lightning sees that Vanille isn't giving her any sort of funny looks, so she goes on. "I have this friend," she says, looking down at her own plate of salad. "She, uh, owns this bar. Works with a couple of other guys, and it gets quite busy. Maybe you can try there."

"Oh, a bar!" Vanille exclaims, clapping her hands together. "I—oh… I don't think I have a high enough alcohol tolerance level to work at a bar…"

Lightning crosses her arms. "Two of the guys who work there can't drink, either. Yet, one is a bouncer and another is a bartender-in-training. And he's not even of age."

"Wait, the bouncer's not of age?!"

"No, no," she says, "the bartender."

Vanille gawks. "And you're okay with that?"

She shrugs. "Kid's just trying to earn a living. He doesn't have anyone to support him."

"Wow…" Vanille relaxes on the stool. She chuckles.

Lightning raises a brow.

The girl stops laughing when all the woman has is a confused face. "You really are a nice person." And she just gazes at her with the softest eyes.

Lightning's heart leaps when she catches those round eyes and instinctively looks away. "Anyway, are you up for it?"

"Well," Vanille sighs. She finally stabs a small piece of chicken with her fork and brings it to her lips. Lightning was starting to wonder if she was going to even eat or not. "Like you said, if I don't find a job soon, I'm just going to bring this stressed, unhealthy atmosphere into your lovely home." She pauses to chew on her food, expression thoughtful. "So, yes. I am up for it." Vanille flashes Lightning a smile as she finishes.

.  
.

According to Vanille, it is completely okay to not worry about the rent for her home back at Eden, solely because she doesn't actually own a place. Apparently, because of the pricing at the capital, Vanille is forced to move every once in a while. The landlords jack up the price just when she's comfortable, and as a result, she would have to find another job to compensate for the pay, _and_ , as a result, she wouldn't have any time to sleep at home anyway, so, yeah. She would always end up finding some place else to live, and the cycle just repeats.

Hearing that, Lightning feels somewhat better about living in this boring town. So much for moving out of Bodhum. Fucking Eden just destroyed her hopes _._ Perhaps Lightning should consider moving to Academia. Or even the Sunleth Waterscape. Or, she can consider moving to another country. Gaia, or even Spira seem nice. Yes, the latter would definitely be nice with the warm climate and all. Plus, she's always wanted to visit Zanarkand.

"Lightning?" Vanille catches her attention.

She takes her eyes off the road and turns to the girl.

"I… honestly don't have any qualifications though. Are you sure your friend will hire me?"

Lightning stuffs her hands into the pockets of her hoodie before shrugging. "She never says no to me." Actually, nobody ever says no to her, now that she thinks about it. But that's not the point here. "It'll be fine. If she's not hiring, I'm sure she can refer you to another job or something."

"Mmn…" Vanille taps her chin, still clearly very doubtful.

The girl's concern is radiating like some invisible aura so unsettling it gives off a subzero-like temperature. Lightning rolls her eyes to the horrible analogy her mind just created and speaks up, "Look, I'm not even going to ask for your rent until the end of the month, so you can take your time finding a job, okay?"

"I appreciate your kindness," Vanille says softly, "but I still have to find the money to pay for my meals. I have enough money for a few more days, but after that, I'm not just going to loot off your fridge. That will be quite ridiculous of me, wouldn't it?"

Lightning thinks if she rolls her eyes again they might just fall out. "I usually buy more than enough for myself anyway. You can just—"

"No, Lightning." Her voice is firm. Wow. Lightning didn't think the tiny girl had it in her. She's always so kind and sweet and cute. It's kind of ironic. Almost reminds her of—"I'll pay for my own meals and that's final, okay?"

Her shoulders droop. Lightning has never handled a more persistent person. Even the most troublesome criminals she's caught in the past submit easier. This girl is just. _Ugh._ It annoys the crap out of Lightning because it's not like she can hand Vanille off to someone else to deal with. Not that she wants to, anyway. Like, Vanille's not a criminal. She's not a stranger. She's not… _any_ of those. She's Vanille. And it's already established that Lightning has (yes, she'll admit it) grown quite fond of her. Otherwise she wouldn't have stood in front of the station for fourteen hours. She wouldn't have opened up to her about her being-alone-complex. She wouldn't feel so bad about accepting rent from her.

It's annoying, because Vanille is different, in the sense that Lightning thinks she just _might_ have the capacity to care for her. The stoic, emotionless soldier she is known to be actually has the capacity to care. So, yeah. Lightning thinks it's annoying that Vanille makes her feel that way.

"Speaking of," Vanille starts. Lightning's eyes dart towards her as they continue walking. "One of these days, I want to make you a proper homemade meal."

Lightning's eyelids flutter. Well. That certainly was unexpected.

"Oh, not to say that your salad was bad, but I want to make you something bigger—kind of like a buffet! If there's one thing I'm proud of about myself, it's my cooking skills." Vanille grins. She makes her way ahead of the taller woman and walks backwards.

The graceful way she walks almost make it seem like she's dancing. Then again, Lightning thinks everything Vanille does is pretty, so maybe she's just being stupid. She clears her throat. "Is that so?"

"Mhmm!" Vanille nods. "I think it's because I love food so much."

She smiles. Lightning is starting to get used to the naturalness of it. How weird. "You're so skinny though," she remarks as she remembers how bony Vanille's arm felt the other night.

"Well," the girl explains, "when it's just myself, I don't have the will to cook. And I've been by myself for a while, so, y'know." Somehow, she is able to break into a bright smile again. "But now that there's more than just me, I can finally cook again."

She realizes that there is no point in arguing. If Vanille wants then Vanille gets. It's not like Lightning is going to go against her in the first place. Plus, the girl's confidence does make the whole thing sound intriguing. "I'll look forward to it, then. I haven't had good food for a while, anyway."

"The breakfast you made this morning was good." Vanille compliments.

"Please." Lightning rolls her eyes. "Just mixing everything into a bowl is not real cooking."

"Well, I liked it," she says earnestly. "And at least it was healthy, right?"

Sighing, Lightning looks away. Why this girl even defends her is a mystery she will never care to solve. But. That's just because she kind of already knows. _Kind of._ "You keep walking like that, you're going to fall." Lightning decides to talk about something else.

She doesn't know if she's obeying, but Vanille stops walking all together. "Hey, Lightning."

The taller woman blinks. Her eyes involuntarily observe the girl from head to toe. _God, she's pretty._ Lightning swallows. Vanille is kicking at her toes. Her arms folded behind her back and her posture is cute and stunning and beautiful and _oh god_ Lightning really needs to stop acting like a love-struck highschooler. Seriously.

Oh.

Wait, did she just _admit_ —

"I… I don't really know what this is yet," Vanille speaks with a small voice. She is hiding her face and is so obviously blushing. "This as in… us."

Yeah, well, neither does she. Lightning swallows again. God. Her throat is getting dryer by the second.

"But I, um. I like it." Vanille continues. She is still looking down at her feet and is trying so hard to go on despite how much smaller her voice has gotten. "I guess I already told you, huh?" she giggles, "that I like you. Granted, it's nothing _too_ deep, yet. I mean, I do feel something big, y'know? It's just… I think it has room to grow. Bigger."

Her jaw flexes. Ugh, shit. Lightning _prays_ that it didn't make her look stupid just now.

"I think what I'm _really_ trying to tell you is," Vanille stresses on her words. "I want you to feel the same way towards me." This time, when she finishes, she is looking directly at Lightning. "Is… is that too much to ask?"

And Lightning thinks her kneecaps exploded or something because she's lost balance and she thinks she's going to fall. But of course, that's just her mind mocking her. She's not going to fall. Like, come on. "Uh, um…" though, her mind does successfully make her sound like an idiot. Again. _Stop being an idiot, Lightning! Say something!_ Do _something!_

Vanille blushes. "I'm so sorry," she says, concern spreading over her expression like wildfire. "I've been told that I'm always too honest… I-I'm so sorry—"

"No," Lightning interrupts. She knows she is as pink as her hair, but she needs to push on. "I like honest." She says. "I do feel the same for you." _Oh god._ Was that too blunt? Too plain? It was really abrupt, so maybe she came off as rude again? Oh god. Lightning stares at the shorter girl, trying to get a read on her. And, for a moment, Vanille's face is unreadable. But slowly, it becomes brighter, and so does Lightning's heart.

"Then… let's say we give it some time to grow?" Vanille suggests, smiling timidly.

The girl's still blushing. And, _wow,_ the effect it has on Lightning is. _Damn it._ "Yeah." She smiles back just because Vanille's is infectious.

And then Vanille is just standing there. Looking at her toes. Hands still behind herself. It's like she's waiting for something. She looks like a little girl, who has just been confessed to, and is now waiting for a kiss—

…

 _Oh. OH._

Lightning near chokes on her own spit. She clears her throat subtly to hide such embarrassment. Lightning looks at Vanille again just to confirm her theory.

Vanille's head is down, but for a split second, she peeks up. And it is in that split second that Lightning realizes—

 _Yep._

Yep. She's waiting for a kiss. So, through valiant efforts of dragging random strangers from nightclubs to her home and then proceeding to do more than just give them kisses, Lightning can't seem to do a fraction of that here. She argues that it's because she's out of her comfort zone, but _oh,_ who is she kidding?

Time freezes. Well, at least it feels like it has. The occasional jogger that runs by them is nonexistent. The sky, the clouds, the sun, the waves, every _element_ in the universe pauses and is allowing them this moment.

Lightning reaches for Vanille's hand and grips it loosely. Like she's trying to get her attention. Like she's asking for permission. And when Vanille's delicate fingers grip back with the same, weak strength, their contrasting eyes meet. Lightning sees now under the morning light how deep and vivid the flecks of emerald are in Vanille's pupils, and it is, in fact, quite hypnotizing. Honestly, she doesn't have a better word to describe them. So whatever. She's been told by many people that her own blue ones are sharp, icy, and maybe even scary. Lightning wholeheartedly agrees, especially on the third point.

"Your eyes are so beautiful." Vanille whispers, her soft voice blends in with the sound of waves in the background.

She hesitates, thoroughly confused because this is the first time she's heard such a compliment.

"They're so blue, they're almost silver," Vanille goes on. And it is genuine, Lightning knows, because no on ever looks at her like this. Like they're admiring a piece of artwork. Sure, people do that when she's naked, but frankly, she isn't right now, so. "You're so beautiful." Vanille says.

Lightning doesn't know what to say. She was never good at conveying her thoughts through words anyway. So she just leans down slightly and tilts her head to get a better angle.

Strange.

But she doesn't move any further. Their lips are a mere inch apart and Lightning doesn't move in. Vanille's eyes have closed and hers are half-lidded, yet still, she doesn't move in. Lightning processes quickly why it is that she can't. She comes with a million absurd excuses, some of which include her being out of comfort zone— _again._ Another suggesting that it's because it's too early in the morning. Which. Just doesn't make sense. But Lightning understands well enough why. She's just too scared to admit it.

But she has to.

"Vanille," she starts, realizing that it's the first time she's calling her by name.

The girl opens her eyes slowly, and there is disappointment in them, because she doesn't look directly at Lightning right away.

"I…" Lightning pushes herself to speak. "I want to kiss you. I really do."

Vanille looks crestfallen.

She grips onto her smaller hand protectively. As if her hold on her would stable her. At least, that's what she thinks it would do. "But before I do, I have to tell you something," she hesitates. "About me."

Vanille is staring at her with those wide, innocent eyes. And Lightning wants to punch herself for doing this, but she has to. If she doesn't, it'll be unfair to Vanille.

"I'm… I'm not as good of a person as you think I am," she starts.

A sudden, weak ocean breeze brushes by them and their hair flutter in their eyes. Vanille pulls the strands behind her ear and listens on.

"If I want this to grow into something bigger—and I do—I need to tell you this. I—when I first saw you, I just wanted to, like. I, just—"

"Lightning," Vanille cuts in with her soft voice. She smiles warmly. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me if it's so hard. The fact that you're trying proves how good of a person you are. And honestly, it doesn't matter what you've done. I-I've…" she pauses. Then, suddenly, she pulls her hand away and takes a step back. "Compared to you, I can never be so upfront about my feelings."

She quirks a brow. "But you're the one to confess."

Vanille laughs, and it is a melancholic one. "That's kind of ironic, isn't it?" She spins on her heel and walks off. "I guess that means we shouldn't kiss yet, huh?"

Lightning's heart drops. Or an anvil has dropped on it. Something like that. Because she feels a sort of heaviness pushing against it. She was so fucking close, what the _fuck_ was she thinking, playing the honesty game at a time like that? She's ruined her opportunity. "Vanille—"

"Kiss me," Vanille turns once again to face her. She is smiling and the morning light seems to reflect off of it. "Whenever you're ready."

Lightning breathes in. She starts walking. She needs to catch up to her. She wants to _reach for her—_ "Are _you_?"

Vanille starts walking again just as Lightning catches up. "I will know," she says without looking at the taller woman, "when you kiss me."

And for the rest of the way, the two do not speak. Lightning just doesn't know what to say, but she doesn't know why even the talkative Vanille doesn't try to make conversation.

 _God._ She must've fucked up again.

.  
.

They arrive at their destination. A nice, secluded area at the end of the beach. It's nice that everything is within a thirty-minute walking distance from her home. Saves the cab money (except when she goes to clubs but— _ugh—_ stop thinking about it) and it makes everything so freaking convenient.

"We're here." Lightning says. The first words since twenty minutes ago. The bar doesn't open until six in the evening or so, but she knows that the crew is usually restocking at this time. Vanille follows her as they approach the cute, cabin-like bar. There's a nice patio up front with tables set up—perfect for outdoor drinking. Lightning admits that the view plus the atmosphere is absolutely unparalleled in the summer, but right now isn't summer. And whoever decides to drink out here at night is either insane or suicidal. They enter through the main entrance and Lightning quickly loses her patience when no one greets her. Well, she loses her patience partly because she's pissed off at herself, but. That's a different story. "Anyone here?" she calls out.

"We're not opened!" says a voice in the back room.

Lightning grunts. "Yes, you are."

There is a pause, and then a head sticks out from the room. The head has this confused look at first, but then slowly, his squinty eyes widen and so does his mouth. "Light!" the owner of the head (as in, the body) jumps out, overjoyed, and runs towards Lightning. He is big and muscular and tall and tan and has this weird, faux-hawk orange hair that is completely out of style.

"Don't. Don't hug me." Lightning warns.

The man sounds like he is barking as he laughs. "Oh, I'm so sorry, Light! It's just been so long! Hey, does Lebreau know that you're coming! Hey! Lebreau, Light's here!"

Lightning rolls her eyes. They always make it such a big deal. She just hopes that Vanille can adjust to their rowdiness. But then, glimpsing at the girl in question beside her, it seems like she's doing alright. As in, she seems pretty excited right now.

"… who?" a woman's voice calls from the same room.

"Light! It's Light!"

"Light _who_?" her head pokes out. "Oh! Lightning!" and so does her body. She sprints out of the room in the same manner as the man, except she actually throws her arms around the soldier girl. "Oh my, it's been too long! You never visit!"

Lightning doesn't return the hug. "Been busy."

The woman known as Lebreau simply scoffs. "Uh huh. Busy." She shifts her attention to the shorter, more cheerful-looking girl. And then she grins slyly. "Of course you've been busy doing… _things._ "

Lightning glares daggers at the woman. She stands in front of Vanille protectively and begins. "That's none of your concern."

"Now, now…" being the biggest of everyone here, the man has a rather soft voice. Probably because he's scared or something. "Let's… not start a fight. I mean, come on! It's been so long and the first thing you two do is fight?"

"Oh, I'm not starting anything," Lebreau teases. "Miss _Farron_ here is just being difficult."

Lightning crosses her arms. "Me? Being difficult? You're—"

"Lightning." Vanille calls. Said woman stops in a snap of a finger and looks to her. Vanille simply greets her with a small smile.

She sighs. Right. This isn't the time to lose her temper. She's done plenty of that inside her head. Lightning steps aside and gestures to the girl. "This is Vanille."

"Hello. It's nice to meet you." She says.

The two blink at the simple introduction. Then they turn to each other and blink again. Lebreau, being the one who actually thinks faster, is the first to speak up. "No way."

Vanille blinks curiously and Lightning just huffs.

Lebreau's jaw is dropped to the ground. "Light—is she…? Are you _finally_ —"

"No." Lightning says. _At least not yet._

Vanille just clasps her hands together, not questioning their cryptic language.

"Okay, then, uh…" Lebreau is grinning, and she oddly resembles the biggest gossip girl in the neighbourhood, just waiting to let everybody know of said gossip. "Did you…?"

"No." Lightning says again. This answer is probably far from _'yet'_ , even if it's what got her talking to Vanille in the first place.

"Wow. So, you two are just…?"

"Uh huh." Lightning grunts. She shakes her head. What the hell is she doing? "Look, I don't want to waste anyone's time. Can you help out or not?"

The man's face twists into a whirl of confusion. "Help out _what_? Can you two stop speaking in this weird language? God, you women are so…"

Vanille laughs. "It's okay, mister. I don't really know what they're saying anyway."

And it looks as though the man is swooning to her sweet voice. Lightning would be too, if she weren't so preoccupied with the conversation and her internal conflict over _nothing._

"Light wants us to hire her." Lebreau explains simply.

"What?!" his stances straightens and it looks like his ears have perked up as well.

Vanille's round eyes twinkle as her lids flutter. "Y-you… you were able to get that without even talking about it?"

"We did talk," Lightning says. "Just." She shrugs. "I don't know. Not normally, I guess."

"Light, here, isn't really a people-person. She hates talking, socializing, and just being around humans in general. You can call her a natural hermit," Lebreau chuckles. "Pardon me, I haven't even introduced myself. I'm Lebreau, the head barmaid of the NORA Bar."

"And I'm Gadot!" the man cuts in easily. "I'm the bouncer, and I'm probably the best in all of Bodhum. It's nice to meet you, little miss!" he reaches for her hand and shakes it with vigour.

Vanille giggles at his enthusiasm. "It's nice to meet the both of you," she says.

"Mmn…" in the background, Lebreau is observing Vanille's every movement. Lightning's realized that since she sprinted out of the room, but now it's becoming way too obvious to ignore.

"What are you looking at?" she asks.

Lebreau ignores the soldier and stares on. "Just seeing if she's hot enough to work here. I mean she has nice legs and all, so…"

Vanille blushes to the comment, and Lightning tries hard not to voice out that she agrees. Instead, "Hey. Don't you dare do anything weird to her."

"How can I?" Lebreau raises her hands defensively. "You're practically planning how to kill me already. If I actually plan on doing _something_ , I'd probably lost my head by now. And I'm not speaking figuratively, little girl." She directs her last comment to Vanille. "But you are cute, I'll give you that. I'm guessing you'll help me draw a ton of customers, yeah?"

Hearing that, Lightning can't help but to get slightly concerned. She turns to the girl. "You okay with that?"

She giggles. "As long as I don't have to dance for them or anything. I can't dance."

Lebreau waves her hands. "Oh no, you won't have to do anything like that, I promise you. This isn't a strip club or anything."

Vanille nods happily.

Gadot, who looks like he's completely left out in the dark, feels that he should say something. "So… you're going to hire her, right?" he questions, strangely with a ton of anticipation.

"Well, yeah. Of course. It's not like I'm going to say no to Lightning. I mean, hello?"

"YES!" Gadot jumps high into the air, and Lightning wonders why he looks happier than Vanille. That isn't to say that the girl in question isn't happy. She's grinning adorably and is just. Cute as hell.

"When do I start?" Vanille asks, still wearing that huge grin on her face.

Lebreau taps her chin with a finger. "Hm, let's say, tomorrow? Sundays are kind of real busy, so I don't want to let you get into the hard stuff so soon. Plus," she rolls her eyes, "it's not like Light's going to let me do it anyway. So there you go. Come back tomorrow at five in the afternoon, and I'll tell you what you'll be doing, okay? It's probably just going to be serving tables."

"Okay!" She nods eagerly, and her perfect pigtails bounce with her enthusiasm. "Thank you so much for this opportunity, I… I didn't think I would get hired right on the spot. I was prepared to tell you what I can do, too…"

"Psh, there's no need for that. Any friend of Light's is a friend of ours," Lebreau reaches out a hand. "So, let's say we have a great time together, yeah?"

Vanille's grin is so wide Lightning thinks that if she were doing it, her face would split. But thing is, Vanille is doing it, so it only serves to make her look beautiful. "Yeah! I'll do my best!"

"Go along now. Your hours are going to be from five to two in the morning tomorrow, so you best enjoy early mornings while you still can."

Gadot laughs. "Yeah. Soon you're going to become night owls like us." He yawns. "Speaking of, I'm gonna go hit the sack now. Been a long night. See you tomorrow, little miss!"

Vanille waves him goodbye.

"Uh huh. And leave the rest of the restocking to me, right?" Lebreau groans. But she doesn't say anything else when he disappears into the back. She just sighs. Lightning knows that it's because she's nice. If she were in her place, she would never let Gadot go. Hell, she'd make the guy finish the job. But. She isn't Lebreau. So, yeah. "I'll see you tomorrow then, Vanille. And Light, there's no excuse for you to not visit anymore, now that your girlfriend is working here."

Their faces turn crimson simultaneously and they look at everything but each other.

Lebreau sees the entire thing and just smirks. "Whoops. Said something delicate, didn't I?" she sticks out a tongue. "Have a good day, you two." And she walks back into the bar.

Several minutes pass by. Or maybe it's just seconds. But Lightning can't bring herself to speak up. Maybe she's just too embarrassed. Or maybe it's because if she moves _at all_ , she'll start to think—to _really, really_ think about Lebreau's words.

But of course, she doesn't have to be the first to speak up. It's always Vanille. "Um, so. I was wondering."

"Y-yeah?" she slaps herself mentally for stuttering.

Vanille bites at her lower lip. "If we can't kiss yet, maybe we can, I don't know…" she looks up at Lightning, "hold hands?"

Lightning's cheeks burn and she thinks she's redder than the cape she wears for her Guardian Corps uniform. And that thing's not even red. It's like. Crimson or something. God. Now _that's_ intense. Stupidly, she holds out her hand. It's like she's having a seizure or something, because it's shaking like crazy. At least in her mind it looks like she's shaking. It's probably just her mind playing around again.

"Sure." She manages.

Vanille blushes prettily and Lightning will never get enough of how cute the girl looks and how much she wants to hug her and kiss her.

But when Vanille takes her hand, Lightning wonders why she can't _actually_ do what she wants to her. She wants to, she wants to _so_ badly, but she can't hug her. She knows what she has to do to be ready, but she just can't kiss her.

 _Sigh._

The things she wants are always laid out right in front of her, but she never seems to know how to pick them up. Or, perhaps she does. She's just bad at treasuring them.

And that's probably the reason she's afraid of coming close to Vanille.

 _Probably._

.  
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* * *

 **a/n:** picture Neo Bodhum (or is it New Bodhum in the English version?) to get a better idea of how the NORA Bar looks like! And please don't forget to review :D


	4. teardrop

**disclaimer:** FINAL FANTASY characters © SQUARE ENIX

 **a/n:** shit's getting real.

* * *

 _ **starlight**_  
– teardrop –

* * *

This sucks. This really, really, _really_ sucks.

Lightning sighs so heavily, she feels the oxygen leaving her _brain_. Like, she sighs so much that she feels dizzy, winded, like she's about to pass out. What the hell. How is that even possible? Damn it. No. She's not pissed off about that. Focus, _focus._ She's pissed off about something else. Something very, very specific. It has something to do with the fact that her home is so quiet it echoes when she comes home. Something like, she thought things would be different now, but everything's still the same. She's pissed off that when she's at work, all she ever thinks about is a _certain girl's_ smile and all she wants is to come home to see it. But when she comes home, she _can't._ Lightning can't see it. She can't, because the girl in question has this dumb schedule that just so happens to clash with hers and it's technically her own fault because she's the one to have introduced her to that job with that dumb schedule.

It sucks so fucking much.

And you know what sucks more? The fact that she can't bring herself to actually _go_ see that smile. She can easily make that short walk to the bar, to make up an excuse—something like ' _oh, yeah, I got off work late. Just came by on the way,'_ or some other bullshit like that, but some alien force pulls her back. She wants to go. She wants to go, she _wants to go_. But, just. _God._ She can't. The explanation sucks but she just can't. It's so dumb. It sucks.

So she just stays awake every night, rolling around in bed like some insomniac until she hears the beeping of the door lock. It usually sounds at around 2:30, which makes sense, because she gets off at two, and the walk home takes about twenty-minutes or so. _Oh,_ by the way, what sucks even more is that Lightning is on duty every day at eight, so she has to get up at seven to prepare. To be frank, because of this dumb schedule clash, she hasn't gotten enough sleep for a long time now.

…

 _Okay,_ fine. She's being a drama queen. Kind of. It's only been four days. Vanille's only started working for four days. It's so dumb how she's already being so worked up about this. She was never a drama queen when she was a kid, so, what the hell. Where did this sudden bitchiness come from?

… Yet another dumb question. Lightning rolls her eyes. She turns to the digital clock on the cabinet and sees a gigantic glowing 2:47, and her heart clenches. Lightning gnaws at her bottom lip, and she does it quite hard too, because she doesn't realize that it's hurting until she tastes a little blood. _Ouch._

But enough about her. It's appropriate to worry, right? Vanille gets off supposedly at two, and—fine, being the nice girl that she is, she would definitely offer to stay and clean up the mess with the others, but there is no way Lebreau would let her work overtime. Not because her friend hates paying her workers overtime, but because Lebreau _knows_ Lightning would be pissed as hell if she made Vanille work more in general. Plus, it's only Vanille's first week, so, yeah. It just doesn't add up.

Lightning groans and sits up, throwing her covers off _so_ dramatically they fly in the air for a few seconds before landing back onto the bed. Her room faces the beach, which means it has quite a clear view of the seawall and the path that Vanille would supposedly take when she comes home. Lightning walks up to the floor-to-ceiling window and leans against it as she looks down.

Nothing. Of course there's nothing. It's almost three in the morning. The streetlights are on, but that only gives Lightning an eerie feeling. There's something about empty streets that are lit. It's probably just her, but. Whatever. Point is, Vanille's not home yet, and she's still being indecisive about something that she should have done fifty minutes ago. Or four days ago and fifty minutes ago.

Lightning grabs the jacket on her chair and zips it to the collar as she bursts out of her room.

She should've walked Vanille home since day one. _Sigh._ Some 'girlfriend' she is. Even if they aren't official or anything. But it's because they aren't official that Lightning should go pick her up. To, like, show Vanille that she's trying. But, no. Lightning's too chicken shit.

That's why she's regretting it now. No, she's not just regretting. Lightning nearly trips when she slips her runners on. She chooses runners because she knows she's going to sprint like crazy. Probably make record time—maybe five minutes—getting to the NORA bar. She heads for the elevator, impatiently mashing the 'down' button, as if it would come faster.

The moment the elevator door opens when it reaches the lobby, the moment it makes that quiet _ding_ noise, Lightning sprints. She nearly tackles the lobby door open, and notes that if she's broke it, she would have to deal with it later, because right now, she has to find Vanille. Lightning does know that she's in her pyjamas and these shorts are really not becoming in this temperature but she really doesn't give two shits. She runs and runs; her surroundings whirring in her peripherals and she feels the wind knocking against her head. Her ears are frozen and it feels like her eardrums are as well. God, her nose is getting runny as well. She hates it when her nose gets runny.

But there's something she hates way more.

It's the fact that she didn't come out earlier. The fact that she's not being honest. The fact that she's not making it official. The fact that she is falling so fucking hard for Vanille but she's still being a pussy about it. Her eyes are starting to feel hot and there's this ache in her chest. Like… like she's angry. Not at anyone, but at herself.

So when she finally sees Vanille, she runs even faster.

Vanille isn't moving anymore, of course. What kind of person would continue walking towards some crazy person who is sprinting with all her might towards you? No one, really. "Lightning… what are you doing out here—at this time? It's—"

"Three in the morning. I know." Lightning says, and she realizes that she is panting. She doesn't _pant_. She can run for miles (if she keeps her pace) but she just doesn't pant. She knows now that she must be pretty worked up. Not that she's going to admit it out loud. As if what she's doing now isn't embarrassing enough. She catches her breath pretty quickly, though. "I just." She shrugs. "Wanted to buy something." _Ugh. Damn it._ Come on, man. What the hell was that?

Even so, a small smile cracks on Vanille's lips. She clasps her hands together behind herself and looks up at the pinkette, tilting her head slightly so that their faces would be _that_ much closer. "Oh?"

"Yeah." Lightning wants to punch herself.

Vanille chuckles. She takes Lightning's hand, delicately, into her own and Lightning doesn't know why she can't just stop being such an idiot and tell her _everything_. "May I come with you?"

"I… don't need to buy it anymore." She didn't even bring her wallet. So this lie was a mess-up from the start. Wow. Her idiocy level just rose to one thousand, didn't it?

"Okay, then. Let's go home?" Vanille suggests.

How Vanille can tolerate her stupidity is beyond her. Lightning thinks that if she were Vanille, she'd had run away from the start. Because, seriously, other than her looks, Lightning really doesn't have anything to offer. Maybe her body, but they're not even _there_ yet, so. Yeah. Doesn't make sense. "Okay."

"How was work?" Vanille asks, and Lightning feels as though a harpoon has struck her in the heart because she wanted to use that as a conversation starter. That would've been a nice attempt. But, nope. She's too late. Because she lags like some ancient, first-generation machine.

"It was alright."

"Mmm…" Vanille nods.

Note, they are still holding hands. Lightning thinks that it is because of this, small, physical contact that is preventing her from thinking straight. _No, it isn't—_ her mind tells her. Screw her mind, seriously. It has to constantly remind her of how much of a dumbass she is and, quite frankly, she's kind of fed up. So, _she decides_ , she will show that mind of hers. Right freaking now. "And you?"

Vanille's face lights up. "It was great! Everyone is so nice. Lebreau only let me serve one section—as in, she didn't let me go out to the patio because she said I'd catch a cold. Which made me feel really bad, y'know? Because she ended up making Yuj work outside. I should make it up to him…" she pauses. "Anyway, Maqui is such a sweet boy! Even though he's a bartender—well, in-training, I guess—but he'd still come out to help me. I tell him that Lebreau would be angry at him for leaving his station, but he would just wave it off, and, guess what? Lebreau really _did_ get angry at him!"

Lightning finds herself smiling to everything that she's saying. It's not like she's interested, she realizes. She just likes listening to her voice.

"I try explaining to Lebreau, but Maqui just tells me that she's just teasing—like she doesn't actually get angry at anyone but Gadot. Oh! Speaking of Gadot," Vanille giggles, "he's quite silly for someone who looks so intimidating. Just yesterday, he tried to deal with this drunkard who wouldn't stop bothering me by kicking him out of the bar, but he ended up tripping and falling on top of the guy!"

At that, Lightning looks at her, eyebrows raised with concern. "Some guy wouldn't stop bothering you?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Vanille waves her free hand. "He was just a little drunk, and I think a little sad. Probably just wanted someone to talk to."

Lightning is still unconvinced, but decides she can deal with the situation herself by doing something very simple.

"So then, I was thinking," Vanille grins.

Lightning just stares, blinking very curiously.

"Lebreau is giving me day-offs on Saturdays. And since you don't have work on Saturday, maybe we can finally hang out?"

Her heart soars a little. As in, that ache in her chest she's mentioned earlier is no longer there. "Sure."

"Great!" Vanille cheers.

"I'll…" Lightning swallows, "pick you up tomorrow. After work."

She really thought Vanille's signature smiles can't get any brighter and cheerier and more beautiful, but then, here she is, getting proven wrong by the girl in question. "Y-you will?" it seems like Vanille is so happy that she is stuttering. Or that she's grinning so hard that she can't control her vocal chords properly. Either way, it's cute. "I… it's going to be really late though!"

Lightning's jaw flexes a little. "It's really late now, isn't it?"

Vanille laughs. "Well, you were the one who said that you 'wanted to buy something'."

She frowns. Yeah. That was a dumbass excuse. So, she counters quickly, casually. "Maybe I'll need to 'buy something' again tomorrow."

"Oh, so that's how it is…" Vanille comes closer. She is looping their arms together and Lightning finds the closeness to be comfortable. At the very least, it's warm. "Buying something is the excuse, picking me up from work is what you really want to do…"

"Well, yeah," Lightning rolls her eyes. "I thought you already knew."

"Yes!" Vanille releases her and runs ahead, jumping with joy. "You said it! I made you say it! Yes!"

Lightning frowns again. But it's an amused sort of frown, so kind of a half-frown. And she's pretty sure that she's blushing. But it's dark, so. Nobody would know. "You…" but, shit. She's stuttering. _Quick, say something else! Change the subject!_ "You keep walking like that, you're going to fall."

Vanille grins cheekily and keeps on walking backwards, exactly the way she did a few days ago. "Even if I do, _oof—_ "

She _does_ fall and Lightning reacts in a flash. She nearly pounces, leaping forward to grab onto Vanille's hand and then pulling her up. Pulling her steady. Pulling her, um, close.

Oh, yeah. They are very close.

Close as in, Lightning's hand is at the small of her back, their hips are touching, and their faces are so close together they can feel each other breathing. Lightning considers letting go, but her left hand just won't budge. Like it's not listening to her. It's just lingering there, on Vanille's back. And her eyes. Her eyes are wandering—from Vanille's round eyes to her lips, and then back up to her eyes, then down to the lips again. Like they can't decide where they want to _look._ It's really confusing, because Lightning doesn't feel like this often. A mixture of confusion and curiosity and… maybe a _tiny_ bit of arousal? The last time she felt this way was when she was still in grade school. A first crush. Something like that. Okay, she highly doubts she knew what 'arousal' is back in the day, but. Point is, that was more than a decade ago. _Ish._ She's fucking twenty years old now— _nearly twenty-one—_ and she is an adult. She isn't of the age to _crush_ on people anymore.

Yet, here she is. _Crushing_ on someone. On Vanille.

And it doesn't help at all—it doesn't calm her nerves at all—when Vanille's hands move to grasp at the back of her jacket gently. Lightning swallows and just watches as the shorter girl smile. Waiting.

"Even if I do, you'd catch me." She whispers.

Somehow, it seems like the ocean waves are, what's the word? Accommodating? Helping? Enhancing? Whatever. The sound of the gentle waves in the background harmonize with her voice, and Lightning has never heard anything more beautiful. Under the night light, standing together along the road, everything is quiet and peaceful. No one to bother them, no distractions.

"How do you know that for sure?" Lightning asks.

Vanille breathes out gently. "I trust you."

She exhales. "Why?"

"Because you're kind," Vanille moves a hand up to cup Lightning's cheek. Her thumb traces small circles on the taller woman's skin. "Kinder than anyone I know."

Lightning creases her thin eyebrows together, looking slightly irritated. It's now or never. And she knows that. Lightning _has_ to tell Vanille. "I… I'm not. I'm really…" she clenches her teeth. "Vanille, I'm not the kind of person you think I am. I'm not a—I'm not kind. And I am definitely not the type of person you want to be around with. I don't even want to be around myself. No one does. So, just. Please stop saying that I'm kind. I've scared away my—I… I really am not." She commands herself to let go of Vanille. And after some struggle with her fucked up mind, she finally does. And Lightning backs away.

Vanille looks upset. Well, no shit she does. Lightning lowers her head. She doesn't want to see Vanille disappointed.

She doesn't want to see her disappointed, but she needs to go on explaining the reason for this angst. _God_ she hates angst. Why does she have to be so difficult? "Vanille, when I first saw you, when I first…" she pauses, sighs, and decides to approach this differently. "I only came down to look for you again because I wanted to sleep with you."

There is this indescribable, utterly dejected, _dismal_ reaction that befalls Vanille's beautiful face. Not only that, but the two steps she takes back, away from Lightning, shows that she is frightened. Frightened of her. Like Lightning's some creepy asshole. Which. She is.

Vanille brings a hand up to her chest. She covers her pounding heart and it looks like she's struggling to draw an even breath.

Lightning, although concerned, couldn't bring herself to move forward. She has no right.

"Do—" Vanille starts weakly, "do you still… still think that way?"

That's a question Lightning isn't prepared to answer. Being honest is hard. But she knows that she can't bail. Not when she's at this point. "Yes, I do. I still want to sleep with you. More than that, but…" she voices, but before Vanille could give her another disappointed reaction, Lightning presses on, "but it's not only that."

Her expression unchanging, Vanille stays quiet, letting Lightning continue.

But Lightning's about to lose her shit. She was never a patient person to begin with, so this bullshit explanation she's going through is kind of a complete waste of time. Fucking. Get to the point. _Please_. "Look, I'm not the ideal girlfriend you may be looking for. I'm nothing close to romantic, nor am I what you describe to be as 'adorable'. In fact, I think I'm the complete opposite of that. I'm boring; I have this bad habit of going to nightclubs where I'd pick people up, sleep with them, scare them off, and I'd do it all again the next week."

Strangely, Vanille looks calm. And her expression is softening up. Like she's willing to listen.

So Lightning goes on. "I-I'm not a good person, Vanille. That's why I can't kiss you. You're…" she struggles to find the right words. And it's frustrating. Vanille is so pure, so innocent, and yet she can't describe her. "… you can do better. You deserve better."

"I don't."

Lightning is stunned a little by the abruptness of her response. She gets even more confused when Vanille raises her head to smile sadly at her.

"Lightning, I…" she crosses her arms together and rubs at her biceps, the sleeve of her jacket creases and folds with each movement. "I think you're better than you think you are."

She wants to argue. Lightning wants to tell her _no_ , she's wrong. She is a human of the worst calibre. No one can compare. And while she can, she should run away. Away from her.

"I told you already. The fact that you're trying so hard—the fact that you have the courage to tell me—I think that makes you a very good person." Vanille takes a step closer, but the sad smile lingers. "And I know that what you want isn't just to sleep with me."

Lightning clenches her fists. She doesn't understand—"Why," she steps back, "why would you put so much trust on someone like me?"

Vanille doesn't hesitate; she takes another step closer. "Because you came down to find me."

Lightning pauses. She just stares at Vanille, unmoving.

And Vanille sees this as a chance to come even closer. "Because for the last four days, I knew you stayed up to wait for me."

She blinks. "How did you—"

"Your panda eyes. They look more than a day old." Vanille explains. "And you kind of confirmed it with your reaction just now." She giggles.

Lightning looks away, not even bothering to hold back the urge to pout. The things she does when she's worked up. So embarrassing. So _idiotic._

Vanille sees and she smiles tenderly. She comes even closer, this time taking Lightning's hand into her own, gripping only at the soldier's fingertips. "I trust you, because despite your reasons for approaching me in the first place, you're restraining yourself."

"I…"

"So," Vanille closes the gap between them. "Are you ready yet?"

Lightning is stunned. Vanille's reasoning, perception, her _god damn_ analysis of her character makes Lightning realize that perhaps Vanille is right—that she is, in fact, better than she thinks she is. And although the argument is entirely convincing, Lightning still feels somewhat uneasy. It's just. Even though Vanille trusts her, she can't really trust herself. Thing is, it's insecurity more than anything that overwhelms her, and until she can get rid of this prickling feeling—"Vanille," Lightning starts.

"Hmm?" Vanille hums.

It still feels really strange when she smiles. As in naturally, genuinely. Lightning goes on, regardless. "When I kiss you, I want to do it without having to think so much." She holds back onto Vanille's hands, intertwining their fingers together at the cracks. "I want it to come naturally. I don't want to have any sick thoughts when I do it. I… I want it to be fair. To you."

The girl stays quiet and listens.

"That's why I can't do it now. But, um." She swallows. "Would you, I don't know. Wait for me?"

Her eyelids flutter and those thick lashes bat wonderfully. Then, Vanille nods.

And Lightning thinks she's seeing heaven. She breaks into the widest grin ever—like, the type that only appears on children's faces when they see ice cream or something for the first time. It's juvenile and completely dorky, but for once, Lightning doesn't seem to care.

Vanille giggles, and Lightning knows it's because she looks ridiculous. "Lightning, you really are adorable. Please don't let anyone tell you otherwise," without warning, she leans up, tiptoeing—her lips come in contact with Lightning's cheek and then she draws back. "And I have the biggest crush on you." Vanille says.

It's hard to see without light, but she knows that Vanille is blushing. Probably as much as she is. Lightning doesn't really know. She's too shocked by that peck on the cheek. She's still staring wide-eyed at the girl. "Uh, um. T-thank you," she manages. "You're… not so bad yourself."

Vanille giggles again. She moves beside Lightning and hooks their arms together. "So let's go home, yes? It's getting really cold."

Lightning thinks fast. "Do you want my jacket?"

The girl looks over at her, observing her from head to toe. She breaks into another grin. "It looks like you're only wearing your pyjamas underneath that little hoodie of yours though…"

 _Shit._ Lightning looks away.

"Aw, it's okay," Vanille laughs. She leans over and her head is resting on Lightning's shoulder. "Your attempt to be romantic makes you really romantic, so please don't feel bad."

She groans.

Vanille laughs harder. "There, there. Maybe you can _actually_ be romantic next time?"

Lightning is tempted to ask how, but. "How?" _Oh shit._ She spoke too soon. Like, literally.

"By… I don't know," Vanille taps her chin with a finger, deep in thought, "by doing something unpredictable?"

"Unpredict…" Lightning trails off.

"Come on, come on! Let's go home!" the girl says, dragging her ahead so that their pace would quicken. "You're going to catch a cold at this rate!"

She rolls her eyes. She never gets sick. People say only idiots don't get sick, but. Okay, maybe that saying is applicable now because Lightning has finally come into terms that she is, in fact, an idiot. Not like that's flattering in any way, but. Nonetheless, she's glad. "Okay, okay, I'm coming."

She's glad that someone cares.

.  
.

What does she mean, exactly, by 'unpredictable'?

Like, an ambush? Something abrupt? Something completely uncalled for? Or maybe she's thinking too much. Maybe a simple surprise will suffice. Lightning is changing into her casualwear as her mind spins in motion. Maybe some flowers? That's surprising enough, right?

She slips on a pair of black leggings.

No, no. Flowers are too predictable. She needs something less… _predictable._ Because Vanille's already told her that she would want to receive flowers if someone were courting her, so if Lightning were to give her flowers, then she'd be way too predictable. Yeah, no. that's not good.

She throws on a maroon V-neck t-shirt.

So, maybe if she were to show up this time empty-handed, that would be enough of a surprise? Because, like, Vanille's expecting something, right? Well, maybe not. No, she's definitely not. Vanille never deliberately said that she wanted something. She just gave Lightning the hint on how to be cute or romantic or whatever last night. Vanille's not a superficial person at all.

Lightning looks at herself in the mirror. Well, she definitely isn't dressing her best tonight. That's probably a big enough of a surprise. Then again, Vanille's never seen her dressed properly at all since their encounter. Like, seriously. Basketball shorts and a hoodie on the first day, sportswear on the second, and then skip a few days because of that dumb schedule conflict… and finally last night when she was wearing her pyjamas of all things. This right here—what she's wearing now—is probably the best Vanille will ever see. That is, until Lightning's fashion sense returns. That part of her brain is too fried up. Too much is being concentrated on how to make Vanille happy.

So Lightning just grabs a white leather jacket from her closet and slaps it on, then she slips into her brown knee-high boots before heading out the door.

She normally dresses quite nicely on a Friday. For, you know, _reasons._ To be fair though, what she's wearing right now isn't hideous, but she's just so paranoid that it isn't enough to satisfy Vanille. After all, depending on how one would interpret it, today is kind of, maybe, _probably_ their first date? Lightning is to pick Vanille up from work, and then she thinks the two of them can hang around Bodhum's night market or something. To bond. Or something.

Whatever. It'll work out.

Lightning takes a deep breath and heads into the elevator.

.  
.

When she arrives at the NORA Bar, she gets exactly the welcome she thinks she would get; Gadot greets her at the entrance with a hug (despite her protest), Yuj serving on the patio greets her politely because he's a nice guy, Maqui inside the bar waves at her, and Lebreau just smirks as if she knows what's going down tonight.

But Lebreau is completely wrong. Nothing's going down tonight because she and Vanille haven't even kissed yet. _Sorry to disappoint you, Lebreau_ , is what she wants to say.

"Lightning!" Vanille runs towards her. She is in a cute, pink tank top and Lightning cannot take her eyes off the black bra straps that are showing underneath. And those shorts— _damn it Lebreau—_ those freaking shorts are criminal. Why is she making Vanille wear this?! Like, even Lightning herself hasn't seen that much skin on Vanille yet, but these random customers, these _nobodies_ have? What the hell?!

"Hey," Lightning greets casually. Truth is, she's concealing the storm that is looming in her chest.

"You're here," Vanille says softly, and nothing but affection shines in her emerald green eyes.

And in that moment, Lightning discovers that the storm inside her has calmed. Like, it just disappeared. It's really odd, because the next moment, she is smiling. "Of course I am. I'm here to pick you up."

The girl breaks into a chuckle. "But it's still twelve. I have another two hours!"

"Oh, screw the rules!"

The two turn to the sound of the voice.

It's Lebreau. She is leaning on the bar with her elbows. "I'm letting you off early today, Vanille. Get changed and go have a good time with your soldier girl!" she winks, and then gives Lightning another one of those _have-fun-tonight_ smirks.

It annoys her to no end, because Lightning _isn't_ going to do what Lebreau thinks she's going to do. God. But thinking deeply about it, Lightning knows that she can't really blame her friend; her reputation's just too shitty for redemption.

"But… that's not fair to the rest of them…" Vanille continues to argue.

"It's fine, it's fine!" Gadot shouts from the entrance, his voice bellows through the loud music and TV noises and whatnot, making some of the customers at their tables jump. "We'll take care of everything! You did such a good job this week, you deserve an early off!"

"Mm…" Vanille grumbles. She is pouting and Lightning finds her angry face to be cute.

Lightning smiles at the sight and decides to help the girl with the situation. "If it helps, I can just walk around for a bit and then pick you up when the time comes."

Vanille gasps. "Oh, no, don't do that! Y-you're here already!"

"So go on then, Vanille!" Maqui adds as he walks by with a tray of beer pitchers in a hand, and some menus in another. "Tonight's surprisingly not busy for a Friday night, I think that's saying something!"

"Saying something…?"

"It means it's meant to be that you leave early!" Lebreau says. "Come on, don't want soldier girl to wait for you forever, do you?"

Throughout the entire thing, Lightning can see the struggle in Vanille expression. It ranges from firm to doubtful, and now, her resolve is finally cracked when Lebreau finishes. There's no denying; when it comes to negotiating, Lebreau's the best at it. Maybe Lightning should tip her later.

"Okay, okay, fine, you guys!" Vanille frowns, but she is also laughing. "I… I'll just take out the trash, and then I'll be off, okay?"

"Just leave the trash to Yuj!" Gadot shouts again from the entrance. Lightning thinks that at this rate, the NORA members are just going to scare their customers away. It's not her fault, though.

(It kind of is, really.)

"No, I insist," Vanille says as she walks to the back of the bar counter. "It'll be less work for you guys afterwards, right?" she smiles.

Lebreau rolls her eyes. "There's no reasoning with you, girl. Do as you like."

Before Vanille disappears into the backroom, she calls out to Lightning. "It'll just take me a bit. I'm going to come back out after I dump this and change, okay?"

Lightning simply nods.

She heads towards where Lebreau is and takes a seat on one of the barstools.

"I can see why you like her so much," her friend teases.

"Just get me a drink." Lightning scowls.

"What, are you thinking of getting drunk now so that Vanille can take you home? Come on, Light. That's low, even for you. You should spend some time with her, _sober._ "

The soldier's stare becomes lazy. It's like she's stopped trying. "Nobody said anything about getting drunk. I haven't had anything to drink since I got off work. Just get me a punch or something," she defends. "And what do you mean _even for me_?"

Lebreau laughs. She grabs a glass from under the counter and pours her friend a drink that looks just as pink as her hair. "Oh, you know what I mean, don't play innocent."

Lightning ignores her and takes the drink. _Oh,_ grapefruit juice. Not bad. She downs the entire thing in several gulps.

"Vanille's a nice girl."

 _Yeah,_ Lightning wants to say, _she knows._

"I think she's good for you."

Lightning would've blushed to those words, but she drew her attention elsewhere. The floor. Yes, the floor is interesting.

Lebreau laughs. "I mean, sure, you're just twenty and you're at your prime and everything, but you should really stop it with those bad habits of yours if you really care about her."

She looks at her friend again. Having no retort whatsoever, Lightning just glares.

"But, uh, hey," Lebreau's tone shifts into something that is less teasing. Like she's actually trying to be serious. "I don't know if you know, but—ah. Actually, of course you would. I mean, you two live together and are a thing, right?"

Lightning would deny that, but she's too distracted by the sudden seriousness.

"I think… something's wrong with Vanille." She says, her voice low.

"What do mean?" Lightning responds immediately.

Lebreau's fingers tap on the counter. She's being antsy. The barmaid is _never_ antsy.

"Lebreau." Lightning pushes.

The barmaid sighs before starting again, "I don't mean she's unwell or anything like that—no, she's the happiest girl I've ever met. It's just…" she clucks her tongue. "The other day, when she was changing in the backroom, the door was slightly opened and I saw something." She pauses to swallow. Or to build suspense. Or something.

If she pauses any longer, Lightning thinks she just might strangle her friend. "What." She grunts.

Lebreau flexes her jaw. She takes a deep breath, "I think Vanille's been—"

She is interrupted when a piercing scream is heard from the backroom.

Recognizing the voice, Lightning moves in a flash—almost as if her body is acting before her mind—and she throws herself in the room. She glances around; there is nothing but cardboard boxes stacked to the ceiling on one side and a couch and coffee table on another. Lightning looks deeper into the room and sees another door, opened. There is no hesitation. Lightning lunges to the door and when she is outside, she finds herself in an alley, and—

"Stop—please _stop…!"_

Some guy. Pinning Vanille against the wall as he—

Her eyes flash—a blinding white light—and she sprints forward, kicking the man in the head with all her power, knocking him back several feet and he crashes against the wall. If he doesn't get a concussion from that, he'd probably gotten whiplash from the force of the blow. But that doesn't concern Lightning. If she had her gunblade with her, she'd whip it out without second thought and would have blown his head off. Or slice his head off. So, thank _fuck_ she doesn't have her weapon with her. Or _he_ should thank fuck.

But no, not yet. He's still moving and he's actually attempting to stand. Lightning's entire body shakes with indignation and she stomps towards the man. When he looks up at her, ready to ask her what her problem is or whatever, Lightning kicks him square in the face.

She hears a crack and figures that she's probably broken his nose. Or probably his neck. She's pretty sure she broke _something._

And when the man is knocked unconscious, his body falls onto the ground.

Lightning clenches her fists and her legs are tense. She is about a hair-width away from breaking; she is _this_ close to losing it, and she is about to throw away her conduct and decree and whatever and she is about to stomp the _shit_ out of this guy's body until he legitimately becomes a corpse, because, _god help her_ , she is _livid._ How _dare_ he touch Vanille? How _dare_ he—

"Light!" A hand is on her shoulder and she would have spun around to punch the person, but then she sees that it's Gadot. She sees him tense a little—probably because she looks like she's about to _murder_ someone—before speaking up again, "I got this. Go take care of Vanille." He gestures behind him.

 _Vanille._

Lightning's eyes widen.

She hears a whimper, and, actually listening to somebody else but herself for once, she rushes to Vanille. Lebreau is already beside her and at the corner of her eyes, she sees Yuj and Maqui rushing back into the bar. Probably calling the cops or something.

"D-don't, please don't—" Vanille is trembling. Not just her voice, but her entire body is shaking.

Lebreau moves aside when Lightning approaches. She kneels in front of Vanille and tries to pry her delicate arms away from her face. "Vanille," she starts softly, "It's okay. It's me."

Vanille doesn't budge. Those arms are firm and unmoving and Lightning doesn't want to force her. The girl's clothes are torn and she is very much exposed. Lightning sees this and takes off her leather jacket. She is about to drape it over her shoulders, but then she sees Vanille's back.

Lightning forgets how to breathe.

 _I think… something is wrong with Vanille._

She looks to Lebreau, the sudden movement making her pink hair sway.

The barmaid just returns the look sadly, and then she turns away.

Scars. Thick, deep purple scars that run across her back. They're not any ordinary scar—no. It's not like a childhood tumble or anything simple like that. Lightning's seen many scars in her life; she's gotten some scrapes and such on her knees and elbows. She's had friends in the Corps who have sustained some injuries as well, but what Vanille has on her back is nothing like that.

Those scars can only come from beatings. Constant flogging, lashing _._ Lightning knows for a fact that such wounds can only be done by whips.

A million thoughts race through her mind all at once. Who did this to her? Why did they do it? _How_ could they do it? Her heart is pounding, literally knocking against her ribcage and it's hurting so much. More so than when she runs, when she works out. Much more than anything ever. She doesn't remember feeling such pain since… _since…_

Lightning grits her teeth. She drapes her jacket over Vanille's scarred back and pulls the girl into her arms. This is the only thing she can do, because, truth is, she doesn't know _what_ to do. Lightning is scared and confused and frustrated and angry but she doesn't think twice when she starts whispering, "Shh, it's okay, it's okay," again and again. But Lightning herself doesn't even understand the meaning behind those words. In fact, she hears herself tremble.

And she never trembles.

"No, please… I-I…" Vanille resists, drawing back from her touch. Her voice is weak but she continues to plead, "Please don't touch me…! I don't want this anymore. I don't want this again. I don't want this _I don't want this—"_

Lightning bites back a sob. She pulls Vanille closer in and wishes she can shield the girl from her thoughts with her body.

But she can't.

Lightning feels pathetic because there is nothing she can do. So, she just lies. Both to Vanille and to herself.

"It's okay, Vanille. Everything's okay." But, in a sense, there is some truth in her words, "I've got you."

.  
.

* * *

 **a/n:** does this story feel _starless_ enough yet? Or am I going overboard already? I mean, while we're early on in the game, tell me while I can still change stuff! So, please review! Your opinions matterrrr D:


	5. aquiver

**disclaimer:** FINAL FANTASY characters © SQUARE ENIX

 **a/n:** Lebreau's got no chill.

* * *

 _ **starlight  
**_ – aquiver –

* * *

Lightning can't recall the last time she held onto someone so, _so_ firmly. So _securely_ , perhaps, is the better term.

"Hey," Lebreau calls from the front seat. "Call us if you need anything, yeah?"

Lightning just nods.

The car comes to a stop and Gadot turns around from the driver's seat. "You got this, Light?"

She nods again and then nudges her shoulder. Vanille is awake—she knows that much, but the girl isn't stirring. It's almost like she's too tired. But Lightning knows that it's because she's still in shock.

"Vanille," she calls. Lightning nudges the girl a little to get her attention.

Vanille breathes in sharply, as if the small gesture knocked the wind out of her. She manages a smile. "Yes?"

"We're here."

It's almost like it took her a few seconds to comprehend the two, simple words. Vanille tenses a little and nods. She smiles—or at least, _tries_ to—and speaks up, "Thank you."

The gratitude was directed to Gadot and Lebreau, who then proceed to turn and eye each other for a bit. And it is the former who speaks up first, "Hey, um, Vanille, don't stress yourself out, alright? Get some rest, and only come back when Lightning says so, okay?"

Vanille maintains that smile. "Thank you. I'll be fine. Please don't worry so much." She says politely.

She leaves the car first. It's almost like she couldn't wait to get out. Lightning thinks it's because she can't put up with acting like nothing's wrong, and at the same time, she doesn't want the two to worry. Of course, Lebreau isn't stupid. And Gadot, as much of a meathead as he appears to be, _isn't_ dumb either.

"Watch her, Light. She…" Lebreau clears her throat and lowers her voice, "… she didn't mention the scars to the cops for a reason. She didn't mention them to… to _you_ for a reason."

Lightning sighs. She watches as Vanille just treads her way towards the lobby of her apartment. Truth is, she has no idea what to do. She's never dealt with such delicate situations. She doesn't know how to handle herself for shit like this. She's just…

She balls her fists to the thought.

Then she realizes that all she ever cares about is herself. Even right now—she's only thinking for herself.

Damn selfish is what she is.

"Hey, Light," Gadot says, breaking her train of thoughts. He gives her a cheeky grin. "You got this."

Lightning sits there for a moment and tries to convince herself so. She breathes out, smiling to herself—whether in humiliation or amusement, she doesn't know. She likes to think it's the latter though. "Yeah," she says, not so reassuringly, and steps out of the car.

Lebreau gives her a final "take care" and Lightning hears them drive off. The next few seconds seem to pass by in slow motion. Lightning trails after Vanille—the two enter the lobby, and she is five steps behind the girl. The usual, old security guard greets her and she nods without taking her eyes off Vanille.

And it breaks Lightning's heart—it breaks the _security guard's_ heart—that Vanille doesn't answer with the bubbly enthusiasm that she usually does.

It's all just so frustrating.

They enter the elevator. Vanille stands in one corner, and no matter how much Lightning wants to walk over and tell her that _she's here for her,_ or that _if she wants, she can talk_ , or… anything relating on that matter, Lightning just can't seem to find the figurative balls to speak up. The short, thirty-second elevator ride is hence seemingly multiplied to a longer, thirty- _minute_ ride.

"Lightning."

The suddenness to Vanille's voice would've made Lightning snap her head up so hard a bone would crack or something, but she manages to be graceful and answers calmly.

"Yeah?"

Vanille squeezes her wrist. "I…"

Lightning stays still and just watches. She watches Vanille's small frame appear impossibly _smaller_ when she scrunches her shoulders up to her ears. She watches Vanille squeeze her wrist so tightly her hand shakes. She watches. _She watches._

Then Vanille looks up—her bangs flicking with her sudden movement, and her jaw just hangs loose.

 _Ding_

And Lightning sees the dejected look overwhelm that expression.

"It's… nothing." Vanille says, and she just exits the elevator, head down.

 _No, it's definitely something, Vanille,_ Lightning wants to say. But of course she doesn't say it. She never says what she thinks. It's just a condition that she has. It's also a trait that drives everyone away. Vanille being one of them, for example. So she just swallows. Lightning simply walks behind the shorter girl. Her gaze unconsciously bores into the back of Vanille's head and she knows for a fact that somewhere at the back of her mind, she is screaming at her to turn around. Lightning is trying to communicate with Vanille telepathically because _god knows_ she can't do it in person. Because she's just. _Fuck._

 _God._ Say something, you idiot _. Say something._

Lightning continues to stare intently at the back of Vanille's head. Like something's going to change. Like she's going to fucking notice. They walk along the empty corridor, and Lightning feels that if she doesn't accomplish _something_ by the time they reach her flat, she would fail. She doesn't know what she would fail _at_ , but she just knows that she will.

 _Say something._ Do _something._

They are at her door. Vanille is about to scan her finger and Lightning's still standing there— _behind her—_ deciding on what to do. Lightning looks at Vanille's back. She can still picture it—those deep, crimson, _veiny_ scars that should, in no way, be on a girl as pure and innocent and delicate as Vanille. They should not be on _anyone._ Why the fuck—

 _Beep_

God damn. Vanille's gone inside. _Surprise, surprise._ Lightning's failed. Like she didn't see that one coming. She sighs and steps inside. There's nothing she can do now. Maybe get some sleep, and tomorrow's going to be a better day— _is what she wants to tell herself._ But then this sudden _urge—_ this insatiable need to resolve this matter envelops her, and Lightning finds herself holding Vanille's hand.

Vanille turns around, round eyes questioning in silence.

And Lightning just stares back. Swallowing stupidly. "Tell me,"

The girl blinks.

 _Try harder, damn it._ "I'll listen," she says (mutters), "I won't go away. So tell me when you're ready."

Then Vanille's entire body just loosens up. Like, if you've ever told someone that they're no longer on death sentence. That type of loosening up. It positively reassuring to witness, and Lightning feels as though a few thousand tonnes have been lifted off her chest. It's like she's finally done something right. Or simply, she's finally done _something._

The corners of Vanille's lips arch a little, and she looks to her feet. "Lightning…" she begins in the tiniest, most delicate voice ever, "You… you're too kind to me."

Lightning doesn't let go of Vanille's hand. She takes a step closer.

And this closeness triggers something within Vanille. It triggers something within Lightning as well, because—

"Is… is it okay if you give me a hug?"

Vanille did not have to finish her request. Lightning has already pulled her small frame into her arms and the two are just caught in each other's arms, standing at the front door.

Vanille buries her face into the crook of Lightning's neck, making it easy for the latter to feel the warm droplets of tears running along her skin. Vanille is gripping onto the back of her shirt so tightly it's almost like the girl's afraid that she would let go. Not that Lightning had any intention in doing so. She kind of likes this feeling. The feeling of being needed. It's been quite a while since she's felt this way. And she remembers exactly why she doesn't feel like this often—it's because she doesn't know how to handle situations like these. Hence, nobody ever goes to her _when_ they have said situations. So Lightning just awkwardly strokes Vanille's head, letting the poor girl sob in silence.

To her credit, Lightning thinks that if she says anything, it would ruin the moment. That's why it's probably best to just stay quiet.

Still, a part of her thinks that she should probably speak up. Because, like, come on. They can't stand here forever. So Lightning gets her shit together and speaks up. "Hey," she manages to say it gently. Like, Lightning didn't even know she could speak so gently.

Vanille looks up—her eyes red and puffy and Lightning really shouldn't make inappropriate remarks at a time like this, but she's got to admit: Vanille looks _bloody_ adorable.

Lightning wets her lips and looks to the living room. "Want to sit down first? You must be tired."

She looks at Lightning like she has a thousand words to say. She looks at Lightning like she wants to tell her everything. But Vanille simply nods and removes her shoes. Lightning follows promptly, because she realizes that Vanille isn't letting go of her. They make their way into the living room. Neither one of them has had the opportunity to turn on the lights, so the room is illuminated in an eerie, bluish moonlight. Add on the fact that Lightning has white couches, the eeriness is just multiplied by tenfold.

 _Good job, the interior designer in Lightning._

Anyway, the two are just standing. Almost like they're not really prepared to sit. Almost like if they sit, the atmosphere would change—for better or worse, neither one knows.

But Vanille makes a move. As in, she speaks first. "I'm so sorry you got dragged into this."

And those were the last words Lightning expected from her. After all that's happened, she's worried about causing trouble for Lightning? Then again, she's probably just trying to bring up conversation. _Or,_ because Vanille's the kindest, gentlest, _sweetest_ human being's she's ever met, she's genuinely apologetic over the matter.

So she needs to adapt. _Yes._ Stop being an idiot and don't give her any stupid response, _damn it._

"Hey," Lightning begins, not really knowing what she's doing. "At least I got to beat the crap out of that guy, right?"

 _Silence._

Oh, great. _Real_ smooth, Lightning Farron. Go ahead, make a joke out of this. _God._ She is so stupid. So much for not giving a stupid response. So much for not being an idi—

Vanille giggles.

Lightning blinks, strangely feeling less stupid even though she's technically getting laughed at right now.

"You remind me of someone I once knew," Vanille says.

"Is, um. Is that a good thing?"

"Well, this person was as stubborn as she was rash."

Her shoulders droop. "So, it's not a good thing."

"Oh no, no!" she holds onto Lightning's elbows with concern, kind of like she's scared she's pissed her off. "It's a good thing! Because she always stood up for me when I got bullied. I got picked on a lot when I was younger, you see."

Lightning blinks, waiting for her to go on.

Vanille shifts her eyes down to their feet and she smiles to herself. "No one ever did for me what she has done." Then, she looks up, straight into Lightning's eyes again. "Except you."

Well, the blush is inevitable. Lightning's just glad that every time it happens she is covered by the dark. "It's… nothing much. I really only beat up an asshole."

"I think you've done way more," Vanille argues with that _freaking_ smile. "For example, you've… hm, let's see. You've restored my faith in humanity, at the very least."

Lightning is very sure that she's exaggerating at this point. And in the midst of her trying to calm her spinning head and thinking of how to respond, Vanille takes a step closer. Lightning reflexively sits on the couch behind, pulling Vanille down with her. Vanille takes Lightning's hands into her own, and normally, this would be really awkward if it weren't so dark. Because, you know, the blushing and all. But since it's dark, _screw it._ Lightning swallows the lump down her throat and actually reciprocates. As in, she holds onto Vanille's hands as well, waiting for the shorter girl to do whatever she needed.

"Up until that night at the beach, I thought the entire world was against me," Vanille scoots closer. "And then I saw you. Or, technically, _you_ saw me."

Lightning lets Vanille rest on her shoulder again.

She continues in a whisper. "When you stopped me—the concern in your voice and eyes and everything, I just… I don't know. It's hard to explain. I felt very privileged. Almost as if I was saved by an angel."

Lightning would have laughed. "I'm not an angel," she simply says. "I'm nothing like one."

"Mm…" Vanille chuckles. "If you say so."

Sighing, Lightning leans her head back. Vanille shifts a little so that she's resting in Lightning's neck again. Beside them, the rising sun peaks out of the horizon, replacing the bluish hue with a brilliant golden light. Lightning thinks by now Vanille's fallen asleep, but when she turns to look, she sees the girl staring back. The sunlight reflects off Vanille's green eyes, and Lightning can see how much they resemble crystals. The purest, _deepest_ emeralds she can ever fathom to see. It is honestly scary and almost unrealistic how beautiful they are. Seriously. How can a human being possess eyes like these? It's… it's just…

"Vanille."

The girl in question doesn't break her gaze.

And Lightning is _done_ telling herself that she can't kiss her.

So she does. It happens far too quickly and perhaps a _tad_ too roughly. But she's already holding back—kind of. It's just natural reflexes, she figures. When their lips meet, it isn't soft and sweet and innocent as Lightning initially anticipated. It's not exactly messy or desperate or anything like that either. It's adequately controlled and all together out of practice. Yes, that's probably the best way to describe it. Lightning admits that she hasn't kissed many people in her life—mostly because she doesn't normally make out withher one-night-stands. She usually just gets right down to it.

And _right down to it_ is what she will do. In the midst of her anticipation and raging hormones alike, Lightning doesn't even notice that she's pushed Vanille onto the sofa, with herself lying on top. She hasn't noticed that she's long abandoned those luscious lips and is kissing and nibbling at the smaller girl's neck. All she knows is that Vanille is making these cute, small gasps that just makes her centre _throb._

"L-Lightning…"

She draws back in an instant. Lightning would be lying if she said that she didn't know what she was doing to Vanille. And it's honestly so selfish of her to just _go on_ despite knowing and witnessing what's happened to the girl earlier.

"Sorry. Too fast, right?" she stupidly asks.

"No, I…" Vanille swallows. A long pause, "I'm just…"

Lightning sees her struggle immediately. "I'm sorry—"

Vanille wraps her delicate arms around Lightning's neck before she can pull back any farther though. They're locked in this awkward position, where Lightning is still on top of Vanille, and the latter moves her hands to frame the soldier's face. "Wait, please…" She takes a moment to look into Lightning's eyes, and she does it as if she's searching for something—something within the different shades of blue in her irises. "Maybe we can… um, t-try again?"

Lightning stiffens.

And Vanille seems to noticed, because she's easing her, running circles on Lightning's cheeks with her thumbs. She leans up to brush her lips against Lightning's, never breaking eye contact as she suckles onto the soldier's lower lip so, _so_ softly. Her fingers trail behind Lightning's head as she tugs those pink strands gently—as if to encourage the woman.

And encouraged she is, as Lightning gives in to crush their lips together. This time, a moan sounds at the back of Vanille's throat and Lightning just reflexively slips her knee between the girl's legs, pressing into her centre with a meticulous pressure.

Vanille pulls away from the kiss to breathe, gasp, and _wheeze._ Lightning thinks the girl's just getting worked up, because that's what they all do, right? So she goes on, ever so invigorated by those sensual sounds Vanille is making. Lightning slips her hands up the girl's shirt—she feels Vanille's protruding ribcage as she runs her fingers up to her breasts, and she tries her utter best to ignore just how scarily-skinny the girl would look topless. She tries to focus on the pleasure she receives when she squeezes Vanille's breasts—as she usually does when she touches other people. Lightning tries to ignore the rough ridges and bumps on Vanille's skin as she runs her fingers across her back. She tries and tries and _tries_ not to picture the scars that she's seen earlier.

She succeeds in all of the above, but she just can't seem to ignore the fact that Vanille is _sobbing._

So Lightning pulls back just about enough to see Vanille's eyes, shut in distress. Even someone as thick as Lightning knows. "Hey," she calls.

When Vanille opens her eyes, there are tears.

That's when Lightning feels guilty as fuck. She _should_ feel guilty as fuck. Because she should have known—something horrible must have happened to Vanille before, something that relates to _this—_ she runs her fingers across the girl's back _—yet_ her selfish mind chooses to neglect that, simply because she wants to fuck. Seriously. Just because she _wants to fuck._ She's the fucking worst.

"W-what is it?" Vanille squeaks.

She doesn't know how to word this any other way, so she just goes with whatever comes out. "When you're ready, okay?"

Vanille looks at her. Like she's in disbelief. Lightning can see the relief in her eyes and it's contagious. A small smile cracks on Vanille's lips and she nods slowly. "You really are too kind to me." Vanille brushes at the pink strands, pushing them behind Lightning's ear.

 _No, I really am not._ It's ridiculous. Lightning wants to tell her that she's being ridiculous. She is _nothing_ close to being nice. So much for being fair to Vanille. So much for kissing her without having dirty thoughts. She's just full of shit. "No," Lightning tries to smile, "I'm… I really am not."

Vanille returns the smile with one of her own, though Lightning finds it to be ten times more brilliant because it is _her_. "I think we'll continue to argue about this for a long time."

Lightning sits up whilst maintaining that smile, glad that the girl isn't offended by her actions. It's good that their relationship isn't strained or anything. _Wait._ Come to think of it, relationship? What relationship? Sure, they're attracted to each other, and they sure as hell like each other, but they're not official. At least not yet. Maybe it's time to fix that. Lebreau is right about the fact that it's time to be settling down. And Lightning can't stand thinking about Vanille being anyone else's but her own. Can't stand having the thought of Vanille being _touched_ by someone else. She wants the best to herself, after all. Call her possessive, but that's how it's going to be.

"Hey, Lightning?"

"Hmm?"

Vanille stays lying on the couch. And she looks really comfortable. Which is _comforting_ , in a sense, to Lightning. "Will you come with me to NORA later?"

She blinks. "Thinking of going back to work already? Lebreau's not going to say yes to that."

"No," Vanille says. "I just want to go back to apologize for the trouble I've caused."

 _Honestly,_ this girl. "But you haven't done anything wrong."

"Mm…" she closes her eyes. "But I should still go and tell them that I'm better now. I don't want them to worry. Besides," she reaches for Lightning's hand. "I want them to know that you're okay too."

Lightning feels her throat dry up.

Vanille breathes out. Like she is relieved. Calm. Relaxed. But above all, happy. She grips onto Lightning a bit firmer. "Come with me, okay?"

Sighing, Lightning gives in. She's too tired to argue anyway. It's like morning. And she's had a twelve-hour shift the day before, plus she had to deal with all that shit that's happened after. "Fine."

"Thank you." Vanille speaks softly.

A few moments pass by, and Lightning figures that the girl has fallen asleep. She'd go back into her room and crash into her bed, but she can't just leave Vanille out here. Plus, the girl's still holding onto her hand. Lightning wouldn't want to just… yank her own away. That's rude, isn't it? She resorts to sliding down onto the floor—as quietly as possible—leaning against the sofa and she slowly closes her eyes.

.  
.

"Vanille?! Is that you? What are you doing here!"

The boys call out before they even step onto the porch—Gadot being the loudest of them all. They drop whatever they are doing, rushing out of the bar to the girl in question, circling her like a group of obsessed-fanboys. If Lightning didn't know them… well, let's just say that they should be glad that Lightning _does_ know them. Because. Come on.

"I thought you'd never let her come back." Lebreau says as she makes her way beside Lightning.

Lightning keeps her eyes on Vanille as she answers. "She insisted. Couldn't stop her."

"Hm. So you actually let someone win an argument?"

"We didn't argue," Lightning says. "She just wanted to come to let you guys know that she's okay."

"Oh. Okay, then. Is she?"

 _Damn it, Lebreau._ Asking all these deep questions. She's always been the nosy type. It's been like this since high school. There's no change at all. "I don't know."

Lebreau rolls her eyes. "That's not like you. Don't you usually excavate every inch of _everything_ for answers?"

She glares at her friend. Like she just stepped over the line or something. Truth is, Lebreau always steps over the line. And Lightning always forgives her. Lebreau's just one of those people that she can't help but to forgive just because. You get at least one or two of those friends in your lifetime.

Seeing how troubled the soldier looked, Lebreau decides to change the topic. "Alright. Did you at least find out how she got those scars?"

Lightning feels as though she's been harpooned through the heart. _Damn._ She really is quite irresponsible, huh? Not just that, but Lebreau's making it seem as though she's heartless. She wonders if Vanille thinks the same way. Like, if an outsider can see it, then Vanille can definitely feel it, right? She takes a deep breath, feeling the need to tell her friend everything. From how she was _this close_ to sleeping with Vanille to the fact that she _can't._ Because she just can't stand the stress anymore. Of this desire to actually start a long-term relationship—but she can't because some _fucked up_ part of her still wants to just fuck around.

"I think Vanille's been abused."

Lebreau heaves a deep sigh. "Yeah, I figured as much. You know who did it?"

Lightning shakes her head.

Another sigh. "Well, at least she feels safe around you. As long as you're there to take care of her—"

"I doubt that." Lightning mutters. "I almost slept with her last night."

The barmaid's expression sharpens in an instant. "What?" And it's scary because Lightning isn't even looking at her—she's only seeing this in her peripherals.

"I said I almost fucked her."

"No, I heard you the first time. I meant, are you fucking kidding me?" Lebreau grunts under her breath. She glances at the group to make sure Vanille is still occupied. "Light, how stupid can you possibly get? After what's happened last night, you'd think you can control your hormones _just_ a bit."

"She initiated."

"I don't—" Lebreau scoffs. "I don't give a shit about that. Like, does that change the fact that you were being an idiot? Did it even come to you that she initiated probably because she wants you to be happy? God, you're so fucking selfish."

 _Yeah,_ Lightning knows. She's just as pissed off at herself. And she definitely doesn't blame Lebreau for being so straightforward. In fact, she really needs it. That's why she told her. So _straightforwardly._

Lebreau rubs at the bridge of her nose. "Okay, look. I don't know all that much about your relationship with her, but from what I can see, it seems like you only want to be with her because you see her as one of _those_ people. You know? The ones you pick up at club? Is that all she is to you?"

Lightning remains expressionless. She overhears Vanille speaking with the guys, telling them that she's alright and everything because Lightning's there to take care of her. _Great._ What impeccable irony.

"Let me make it as simple as I can," her friend goes on, "Do you actually care about her?"

When Lightning really, _really_ takes Lebreau's words into mind, she feels all… _weird._ Certainly, there is a degree of concern for Vanille—one that blasts through the rooftops. But is that enough? Would that be enough to maintain the relationship that has yet to start? Lebreau's question isn't simply _'do you care about her'._

 _God damn._

Being in a relationship is hard.

"I…" Lightning begins, "I want…"

It's like Lebreau is tired of all the hesitating and stuttering and stupidity coming from her friend. So she interrupts, "Light. I'm asking all these questions not because I want to put you under the spotlight. I mean, maybe I do, but. It's more for Vanille's sake. You know that." She sighs. "I'm just worried for her. She seems so delicate. And although I won't take my word back—about how she's good for you, I'll still say that _you_ may not be good for her _._ "

 _Ouch._ That blows. The thought of Vanille being with someone else other than herself really, _really_ stings. It's gut-wrenching. It's like someone is physically squeezing at her arteries. Lightning clenches her jaw. "I'm trying." She barely whispers.

"What was that?"

"Lebreau!"

The two shift their attention to Vanille, running towards them. While Lebreau is able to put on a smile, Lightning's having a bit more trouble hiding her distressed face.

"Heya Vanille. Feeling better?"

"Yeah," she nods, standing next to the soldier. "Lightning was with me the entire night."

"That's good to hear." Lebreau shoots her friend a sinister glance that doesn't otherwise seem suspicious to anyone but Lightning. "But, Vanille, you know that today's your day off, right? And I thought I told you to get some rest before coming back."

Vanille chuckles nervously. "Well, y'know. I wanted to come apologize for all the trouble I've caused last night. If it weren't for me, you guys wouldn't have to close the shop so early. And it's only my first week—"

"Okay, okay, Vanille. That's enough," Lebreau scolds. If Vanille didn't know her better, she'd be scared off by the barmaid's harsh tone. "You continue to blame yourself like this, I'm actually going to be pissed."

"S-sorry…" she whimpers.

Lightning glares at her friend. "Hey. Go easy on her."

"Yeah, Lebreau! Quit being such a tight ass. Vanille's just trying to be nice." Gadot says in the background. He's in the middle of putting the stools down from the tables.

"Right?" Yuj calls from behind the counter. "Don't scare her away! I don't want us to lose such a great co-worker!"

"N-not that Lebreau isn't good enough! I mean, she's already the boss and everything—"

"Oh, shut the hell up, Maqui. Sucking up to her won't get you anywhere."

"I'm just…!"

"Ugh." Lebreau cuts in, finally breaking their banter. "Speak another word and I'm going to cut your pay for this month."

She's not actually going to, Lightning knows, but it's quite an effective way to shut the boys up. And when they turn completely silent, returning to their tasks at hand, Lebreau mouths at Lightning and Vanille, _works every time._

Vanille giggles, and Lightning would laugh, but the conversation from before still lingers in her mind.

"So." Lebreau changes the subject. "Where are you guys headed after?"

"Oh, I don't know yet. Maybe Lightning can show me around Bodhum? Would that be a good idea for a date?" Vanille directs her question at Lightning.

And Lightning responds with _very_ little enthusiasm. It's like she's not even trying. Which. Isn't inaccurate. "If you want."

Seeing this, Lebreau scoffs. "Honestly, Light. You're pathetic," she actually says out loud. "I don't know what Vanille sees in you."

While those words may seem like a teasing comment to everyone else, Lightning knows that the barmaid meant it with all her heart. And in a way, she agrees. Lebreau was hinting at her to _get her shit together_ , because Vanille deserves someone way, _way_ better.

"But I like this about her," Vanille says all of a sudden.

Lightning is equally surprised as Lebreau, even though she's heard this like… twice. She'll just never get tired of Vanille telling her how much and what she likes about her. It's the most flattering thing to hear, really.

And Lebreau, ever being the nosy one (or, Lightning knows that she's just concerned. Which is good on Vanille's part, but still), pries on. "You mean you like that she's emotionless and boring and just overall a downer to hang around with?"

The subject in question frowns, but Vanille laughs. "Maybe." She slips her hand into Lightning's. "But at least I feel safe around her." Their gaze meet, and Vanille's immediately softens.

 _Ugh those bedroom eyes._

"It's like she can protect me from anything."

 _Except from me_ , Lightning thinks, and she's sure as hell that Lebreau's thinking the same thing.

"Alright then," Lebreau sighs. "If you say so, Vanille. Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Duly noted!" she grins.

"Right then. Go enjoy your day off. And like I said, come back only after you've rested enough. This means I'm forbidding you from coming tomorrow as well, okay?"

Vanille looks dejected. "Y-you're giving me another day off? But that's—"

"Hey, who's the boss, here?" Lebreau questions, placing her hands on her hips.

"You are…" Vanille hides her face.

"Glad we have that cleared up. Now get outta here, you two. I need to open soon, and I've had enough distractions for the day."

Somehow, Lebreau is sounding way crankier than usual. Not that Lightning doesn't know why. Because, like. She's ultimately the reason her friend's like this. And cranky Lebreau isn't someone who she wants to be around for too long. So, "Come on, let's go." She says to Vanille, tugging at her tiny hand.

"Okay." Vanille smiles. It's like a natural reaction whenever Lightning just looks at her. "Bye, Lebreau. Give my regards to the boys. They seem really busy back there."

The barmaid just rolls her eyes. "Uh-huh, they really are not. Just acting like it is what they're doing."

Vanille lets out a chuckle before waving Lebreau goodbye, and she and Lightning walk off towards the other direction. "So," she starts, "Where should we go?"

Lightning clears her throat. It really amazes her how she still got all nervous around this girl. "You mentioned you wanted a tour around Bodhum?"

"Yeah!" Vanille bobs her head eagerly. "I heard about that dome thing—with the fireworks? Does it happen every night? You're supposed to make a wish during the show, right? And then it'll come true for sure?"

Lightning chuckles. "You're half right."

"That it happens every night?" Her grin widens.

"No, you were right about the making a wish part. The actual show only happens twice a year."

And Vanille's face just _drops._

 _Aw shit._ "Um. Well. I can take you there." She says. "I'll take you there to watch. The next show should be in a few weeks."

Vanille gasps. "Really?"

She nods. "Yeah. They move the dome out to the middle of the sea—right around there." Lightning points to the horizon.

"You mean it's right in front of the NORA Bar?!"

She nods.

"Oh! That is the best!" Vanille jumps, clapping her hands together. "So even if I had work that day, I can still see it!"

"If you asked, Lebreau would give you the day off."

"I can't do that…" Vanille says. "Didn't you see what she did for me earlier? She's forcing me to 'rest' for another day. Not that I need it… I would much rather go to work and just do something, y'know?"

Perhaps this is the moment Lightning realizes that there is another thing she likes about this girl. The fact that she's so active and is always occupying herself with something. The fact that she's not lazy. The fact that she works hard. "Then," Lightning looks to the side. She's not sure she can suggest this with a straight face _while_ looking at Vanille. "About that meal? The one you mentioned a few days back? Maybe you can cook one up tomorrow."

The light returns to Vanille's green eyes.

"I mean, I don't know." Lightning shrugs. "Since I have work tomorrow, I can't hang out with you during the day. But maybe when I come back, we can have dinner together." She shifts her eyes back to the girl, scared that she's delivered her suggestion rudely more than anything else.

But Vanille's cheeks are all the way up to her ears and she is grinning like an idiot. The sight makes Lightning's heart melt.

"Yes!" she says. "Yes, yes, yes, that's a great idea! Okay, let's see. I'll go to the supermarket, get the stuff, and then I'll come back to prepare… maybe we'll have salad and pasta and something roasted? Oh! And I'll have to make dessert—"

"Slow down," Lightning breaks into a small smile. "Try not to give it away? I like the surprise."

Vanille covers her mouth. "Oops! Sorry…" she laughs.

And Lightning can't help but to laugh along. Seriously. It's contagious.

When Vanille finally catches her breath, she is blushing prettily and is fiddling with her fingers. Lightning doesn't know why, but when she looks at her like this—when she _sees_ Vanille being all nervous and stuff, she feels her heart pounding hard against her ribcage. It's really weird. But it doesn't stop her from reaching out to cup the girl's cheek, tilting her head up. It definitely doesn't stop her from thinking twice before she leans in to give Vanille a kiss. And _nothing_ is there to pull her away from the tender moment—not the people walking by, not the sound of the waves. Not even the voice of her conscience and Lebreau, screaming at her to _not_ be selfish.

Lightning pulls back, and she realizes that she is out of breath. Vanille is panting and her chest is heaving— _oh god._ Were they full-on making out, tongue and all? Lightning can't recall. She's too caught up with the moment. "Um."

"L-let's go get something to eat?" Vanille quickly starts. "I'm… I'm really hungry."

She swallows. "Yeah."

And Lightning just watches as Vanille walks on ahead.

So much for ' _when you're ready'._ So much for being kind to her, _Lightning._

She rolls her eyes to the thought.

.  
.

* * *

 **a/n:** Yeah. So. Believe it or not, I would've updated around... 7 months ago. Y'know, like back in November? But my laptop got stolen at the airport. And you know how I actually planned this entire fic out from start to finish? WELL. Everything was gone. For a long period of time, I just thought _screw it. I'm not writing anymore._ But then, come on. Who can give up on Light and Vanille?

CERTAINLY NOT ME.

Anyway. As you can tell from this chapter, Lightning isn't exactly the righteous, heroic, and awesome character that she is in FF13 (and in the original _starless_ ). She's kind of a mess here. Which is important-particularly for her and Vanille's growth. So don't flip out on me yet. :X


	6. help me

**disclaimer:** FINAL FANTASY characters © SQUARE ENIX

 **a/n:** **¯\\_(** ツ)_/

* * *

 _ **starlight  
**_ – help me –

* * *

She knows that she's good looking. She knows that she's hot as hell (especially with her clothes off). She knows that _everyone_ at the club would buy her a drink if she so much as _smirks._ It's only natural. Because, like. Come on. Who the hell can look like _this_?

So why is it that she feels so shitty, so gross, and so _fucking disgusting_ when she's looking at herself in the mirror?

Somewhere at the back of her head, a voice tells her that she's thinking too much. That she's just being stupid (again). But— _damn it, conscience, can't you chastise me when I know I'm doing a shit job?—_ Lightning brushes away the thought and straightens her uniform. Not that it needs any straightening. It's leather, after all. So she takes one last look at the mirror, turning to the side to make sure that her crimson cape is strapped on properly before heading out her room.

When a pleasant aroma of coffee and bacon and eggs— _and…. pancakes?!—_ fills her senses, all the negative thoughts she's had just a few moments prior are somewhat taken away. Maybe it's because Lightning has a thing for stuff that smells good. Or maybe she's just trying to hide. It's most likely the latter.

"Good morning." A voice calls to her before she enters the room. Must've heard her slam her bedroom door shut or something.

"You're up early." Lightning greets. Rather rudely, if she may add.

"Yep! I wanted to make you breakfast. To, y'know? Start the meal off." Vanille leans her elbows on the kitchen counter and pushes a plate forward, gesturing at the stool to Lightning.

"I didn't know that it included breakfast," she sits and her eyes would be bulging at the food if she weren't so skilled at hiding her inner thoughts. She grabs a nearby fork and starts poking at her pancakes. "Thought the deal was just dinner."

Vanille laughs. And, _god,_ why does it sound so sweet every single time? Lightning can never get enough of it. "It's nothing much. I just though, well, I should really do something for you."

Lightning raises her brow, staring at the girl in front of her with bemusement. "You… are making a big dinner for me tonight." She reiterates.

"No, I mean. Um. Like—" Vanille is stuttering. And this is probably even cuter to look at than… _well,_ Lightning doesn't know yet. So far, everything Vanille does is cute as hell, so. There really is no point in comparing Vanille with Vanille.

"Like…?" She keeps her brows risen.

Vanille is blushing by now and is trying so hard to avoid eye contact. Jeez, what does she have to say? Lightning can't stand the suspense. And look at how she's fiddling with her fingers. And those eyes, shifting, darting from side to side. And— _oh god—_ don't even get her started on the way she bites onto her lower lip. The longer she looks, the harder it is for her to breathe. Lightning thinks she's starting to develop a condition.

"Lightning, may I ask you something very sensitive?"

 _Welp._ Breathing is ten times harder now. "What is it?"

"Promise not to be mad though, okay?"

"Okay."

Vanille bites onto her lip again, and nothing but _hesitation_ is plastered across her face. Yet, she goes on with it. What a trooper. "I-I know that you really want to, um. T-to sleep with me."

Her heart drops.

"And… and I do too. Really, I do. Please understand that." Vanille continues as she looks down.

Lightning can tell she's trying to hide her tomato-red face. She wasn't kidding when she said that this is a sensitive topic. Awkwardness is overloading in the room, so she just stays quiet.

"I mean. I know that you're a very ac… active person." Vanille swallows, as if that's going to ease the awkwardness. "But, um. Last night or, rather, yesterday morning, what we did… or—I-I'm sorry—what we _almost_ did, I know it's difficult for you. And I know you're trying really hard for… for _me._ "

It's like the longer this conversation drags on, the more oxygen is escaping the room. Lightning is very sure she's hyperventilating by now. Or she thinks she is. Who knows. But, _god_ , somebody's got to give it to Vanille. This is like the world's most awkward conversation and she's still managing. What a champ.

"But my point is," Vanille looks up, finally making eye contact with Lightning again (though the latter is trying her utter best to not look away), "I wasn't lying when I said that I liked you. And that I do feel what we have can become bigger. But I just—I just want to be the one to ask you this time…"

She has her full attention. Especially since Vanille's sounding so damn earnest. Lightning waits patiently for her to go on.

"Would… would you be willing to wait for me? A-at least, until I'm ready?"

Hearing that, Lightning finds herself loosening up. Why was she nervous in the first place? This really isn't anything big. Okay, well. It's probably because she thought Vanille was going to break up with her or something. How silly. Lightning brings up a soft smile and reaches across the counter for Vanille's hand and she brings it to her lips. Lightning kisses her knuckles and it really is quite an affectionate gesture, especially for her, but, _eh_.

Vanille becomes impossibly red, but she breaks into a smile—one that is equally as soft as Lightning's. "Thank you. When the time comes… when I'm ready, I'll tell you everything as well."

Lightning tenses a little. "You don't have to."

Vanille shakes her head. "I want to."

She sighs, kisses Vanille's hand again and intertwines their fingers together on the counter.

Vanille giggles. "Lightning, if you don't eat your breakfast soon, you're going to be late." She eyes their joined hands adorably. "And you can't eat while holding my hand…"

Lightning simply waves her left hand and then picks up her fork.

Vanille just breathes out contently and watches as Lightning eats.

.  
.

Honestly, when she goes to work, she really just chills. Like, if you call target practice, drill exercise, working out, and… okay, well, strategic planning and patrolling aren't really chill, but for the majority, working at the Corps is very easy. Essentially, working here helps her maintain her figure. Except she really doesn't need to work out that much anymore. Lightning is confident enough with her body. It's like coming to work is just a means to keep in shape. To think that she's getting paid to stay in shape not for commercial purposes is kind of ridiculous. And. To think that she joined in the first place so that she can—

Lightning slams her locker shut.

You know what? Never mind. Being one of the few women in the squad, she often (if not all the time) has the change room to herself. Which explains why many of her fellow teammates aren't exactly 'close friends' with her. Because, like. The bonding and everything happens in the change room. And she has no one to bond with. And it's not like she talks much with her partners during patrol, either. Lightning's just, overall, a very boring character.

So when Torreno, one of the soldiers from her squad, invites her to his wedding (which is very sudden, mind you), she is genuinely surprised. To be honest though, Lightning doesn't even know if she wants to go. If she _cares_ to go. It's not like her being there would make much of a difference. It's not like she talks to the guy much anyway. In fact, if she does go, she might end up getting drunk _before_ talking to the guy. _Oh, joy._

She exits the room and doesn't bother to shoot anyone a glance before she heads for the exit. It's been a rather slow day, and to be frank, she's actually looking forward to eating some of that home-cooked meal Vanille's been preparing for the entire day.

"Farron! Hey, sergeant!"

 _God damn._ Lightning fights the urge to grimace. "Lieutenant Amodar, sir." She spins to salute the man.

The taller and much bigger man chuckles. "At ease, soldier girl. It's already after hours for you. I, on the other hand, have to stay here for another five."

Lightning isn't really in for small talks, but for the sake of respect, "Working on some big case, sir?"

"Ah, I'd tell you," Amodar says. "But it's classified. Maybe one day I'll let you in on the details. For now, only the higher ups are given permission to even know of this ordeal."

"I see," Lightning answers with little enthusiasm. "Well, don't let me keep you. I'll head—"

"You going to Torreno's wedding, kid?"

Okay, so she's been reduced from sergeant to solider girl, all the way to _kid_ in the midst of thirty seconds. Or less. "I'm still thinking about it. Not sure if I have the time. He told me so last minute—"

"Nonsense! It's on a Saturday and even I know that you're off then!" Amodar's voice blasts through the roofs and Lightning sees the few people in the corridor covering their ears. Lightning herself, however, has to be polite. So she just winces a little. "Now, don't make anymore excuses, young lady, or I will have to deduct your salary."

Lightning highly doubts he can do that. She forces a chuckle in response.

"You gotta loosen up!" the man nudges her on the elbow, pushing her back a little. "It's always work for you. Maybe you'll finally find someone suitable for you at the party, yeah? Wouldn't that be something."

There are several things Lightning wants to tell her lieutenant. One. It's not _always work_ for her. She does have a life. It's just nothing she would share. Because, you know. It's nothing glamourous. And two, Lightning wants to tell him that she _kind of_ has found someone suitable already. But to be fair, she kind of hasn't. Well, it's more like she has, but, like. _Ugh._ When she puts it the other way around, then she hasn't. Actually, she doesn't even know what she's trying to say anymore. This is getting really trippy.

"Whatever the case," Amodar slaps her on the back, pushing her forward. Lightning choked and felt for a split second that she could cough out her lungs or something. "Just relax and go, alright? Grab a drink. Socialize. Do _something_."

Yep. Amodar is probably a bit too old to know that's what she does all the time. Lightning thinks that she should be glad her lieutenant is a generation older than she is. Because the rest of the squad sure as hell knows. She also thinks that she should be thankful the soldiers aren't gossipy. Otherwise what little reputation she has left in Bodhum would be ruined. She would have to move to Palumpolum or something.

"We've never drank together before, am I wrong?"

Lightning smiles slightly and shakes her head.

"Perfect. Heard you're quite the tank. I'll be looking forward then, okay? Don't you back out on me, kid."

She chuckles, genuinely this time, and watches as Amodar walks off to the opposite direction. Well, that kind of eased some tension. Not that she _wants_ to go to the wedding now, but like, she doesn't feel as irritated about her invitation. Lightning heaves a sigh and heads for the exit. She glances at the invitation stuffed in her pocket earlier and sees that "plus-ones are allowed" and smiles a little.

.  
.

One may argue that Lightning's extremely experienced at the art of courting, but the woman in question would tell you in a heartbeat that she is _shit_ at it. After all, she never had to chase anyone. _People_ chased her. It's only natural. Because, like, _look at her._ Lightning is fucking gorgeous. Even when she's in sweats and PJs. Except she isn't in either one of those right now. She's in her Guardian Corps uniform.

Anyway, what Lightning means is that although many think that she's the master at courting, she actually has absolutely zero experience in it.

Sure, she's had several partners without really trying, but that's only because she wanted to sleep with them. Give them a smirk, a smile, or even a wink—and _done._ It's just that easy. Especially under the loud music, the influence of alcohol, the wild lights, and surrounded by hordes of sweaty, horny people. If she's not being obvious enough, Lightning means that she would have no problem getting someone at a nightclub. But right now, something so cheap and unbecoming and _immature_ is not what she's aiming for. Lightning wants the _Holy Grail._ She wants someone who is actually girlfriend-material. Someone who isn't shallow and horny and clingy.

Maybe she's exaggerating. Maybe Vanille isn't exactly the Holy Grail, but to Lightning, who has never actually experienced a proper _romantic_ relationship all her life, this may be as close as she can get.

So. Lightning decides to be _romantic_ about it. She goes to the florist and gets some red roses. Because everyone likes red roses right? She doesn't care too much for what the colour or type of flower symbolize.

"Would you like anything else?" the florist—a cute redhead ( _but Vanille is cuter)_ —asks.

Lightning didn't even intend to look at the girl, but _damn._ The corner of her lips arch, and _just like clockwork,_ the florist blushes.

"Um… t-then I'll just wrap these up for you." She stutters and struggles to even walk straight.

And Lightning's gaze just follows the backside of the girl until she enters the back room. It's almost like she is cast under a spell, because as soon as her figure disappears, Lightning sobers up and thinks immediately, _god, what the fuck._ Lightning rubs at her temples and thinks it's necessary to just put on her resting bitch-face 24/7 because, well, how else is she going to avoid situations like this?

The florist returns, wrapping paper in hand and she begins to place the roses neatly into it. Lightning notices that the girl is shooting glances at her every now and then. And although she has every intention to return those flirtatious (she supposes) gestures, Lightning all but remains expressionless. Someone _way_ cuter is waiting for her at home, after all.

"Here you go, miss."

"Thank you." Lightning simply says.

"Whoever's getting them must be a lucky person."

She regards the girl with a simple nod and pays the amount and heads for the exit. Every fibre of her tells her to turn back to at least _return_ one of those glances, but Lightning fights. She fights and fights with everything she has and she is deemed successful once she passes through the threshold.

Lightning heaves a heavy, heavy sigh. Because. She's victorious. Why else?

But honestly. That florist was super cute.

.  
.

Lighting doesn't know if it's appropriate to just enter her home. Well, of course it's appropriate—like the place belongs to her. Thing is, she's technically a guest tonight, isn't that so? Vanille's the one hosting the dinner _for_ her. So technically, just for tonight, the place belongs to Vanille. Lightning doesn't know if she's just thinking too much or is freaking out or is getting way too nervous. Maybe it's a combination of everything.

Well then.

Now that she's come to that conclusion. Should she ring the doorbell, or should she just go in?

She clears her throat. This really shouldn't be as complicated as she's making it seem. _God damn it._ Come on. Pull yourself together, _Lightning._ So she takes a deep breath and decides to do what she does best—to just do whatever the fuck she wants. Lightning lets the scanner read her finger and the door clicks open. It opens into a tiny crack and right away, Lightning smells it. What is it exactly, roasted chicken? Grilled salmon? Baked potatoes? Or is it the mix of onions and green peppers sautéing? _God,_ Lightning doesn't know. All she knows is that her mouth is watering, and if she keeps the door opened like this, the neighbours are going to ask if they can join for dinner. Which is a big no-no.

"Oh, Lightning!"

She looks up and is greeted by a beaming smile. Vanille is dressed casually in short-shorts and a pink tank top. It's not sexy or anything, but that apron wrapped around her definitely accentuates her adorableness— _wait, is that even a word? Adorableness?_

"You're home already! A-and…" Vanille stops. Her gaze shifts to the bouquet of flowers in Lightning's hands.

 _Oh._ Lightning clears her throat again. "Um. Yeah. Got off a bit earlier than expected. So I went shopping for a bit," she takes off her boots and steps closer to Vanille. "And. I got you these."

Vanille takes the bouquet gingerly. "You really shouldn't have…" her voice trails off into a whisper.

"I wanted to," Lightning reasons. "This is a date, isn't it? You're treating me tonight and I'd feel bad if I didn't play my role as…"— _cough_ — _"_ … your, um. Partner. Properly. So I just got them."

Vanille breaks into a soft chuckle. She is hiding her flushed face behind the flowers. Lightning thinks that it is a pretty sight—Vanille's bright orange hair mingling with the vibrant red colour of the roses and everything just _shines._

"Thank you so much, Lightning." Vanille takes a step closer. She tiptoes, "I really like them," and kisses Lightning on the cheek.

It's only natural. Blood rushes up to her head and Lightning feels light-headed, _and so on and so forth_.

"But… there's only one problem."

Lightning almost gasps.

And Vanille seems to have noticed, because she is giggling. "I'm not entirely done with the meal yet. It's a bit embarrassing to say, but could you please hold onto these for me?" she hands Lightning the flowers, almost reluctantly.

But she isn't offended in any way. In fact, she is relieved. Taking the flowers, she breaks into a small smile. "How about I help you set up the table as well?"

Vanille grins. "You're a keeper."

Lightning blushes again. _Stupid Vanille and her stupid flattery._ She might be as good as flirting with words as Lightning is with her small actions. No, scratch that. Vanille's as good as flirting with words _and_ actions. Perhaps even better. By a _mile._ And that is a scary thought, because Lightning doesn't want Vanille flirting (directly or indirectly) with anyone else other than herself. So she has to be better. _God damn it._ Lightning screams at herself to _do_ better.

She quickly grabs a vase from a cabinet below the kitchen sink and fills it halfway with water.

"Need help?" Vanille asks as she rinses her hands beside her.

"I should be asking you," she glances at the stove, where at least three things are cooking simultaneously.

"No, I'm fine. This really is nothing."

Lightning breathes out. "Alright then." She unwraps the bouquet and places each rose into the vase meticulously. She doesn't even know that she's bought fifty all together. Whatever that's supposed to mean. No wonder the bouquet was so freaking heavy. Hopefully the vase can fit everything. But if not, _eh,_ she'll just throw them away.

What's twenty or so less roses? Give or take thirty gils or so.

Lo and behold—she can only fill up to half. Lightning rolls her eyes. Okay well, she's too hungry to deal with this shit. She turns to look at Vanille in the kitchen. It seems like she's almost done. So maybe it's smarter to deal with table setting first. Lightning moves the vase and the rest of the roses to the coffee table next to the sofa. In a flash, she returns to the kitchen and gets everything—forks, knives, spoons, plates, napkins, _wine glasses_ (because she's spotted champagne in the fridge when Vanille opened it earlier).

She finishes quickly, as she usually does with everything _in her life,_ and so she just stands awkwardly next to the dining table.

Vanille seems to have spotted this, because she's giggling again.

 _What a lovely sound._

"Lightning, maybe you want to change out of your clothes first? I'll be done in about ten minutes."

She bobs her head and makes her way into her room. She'd be discarding her clothes _on the way_ if this were _some other_ scenario, but this is date night with Vanille. _Gotta control yourself, Lightning._ She strips into her underwear and instinctively, like any other woman in the world, starts checking herself in the mirror.

 _Hm,_ she thinks. If she and Vanille were to be _at it_ tonight, then she's wearing the right stuff. But then another voice interferes: _no. No one's going at it tonight._

Lightning visibly droops her shoulders. Visibly because she can see herself do it in the mirror. She rumples through her pink hair, brushing the strands to her scalp but they just fall back to their original place. She lets out a deep sigh and steps backwards until she falls into the bed. God, what the hell is she doing? Why is she still thinking like that when they've already established this morning that they're going to take it slow? Maybe she really is just one _horny mother fucker_. The thought of it sickens her. Lightning covers her eyes with her forearm, thinking that somehow, she can find solace this way.

.  
.

The meal is the best thing that Lightning's ever had. Vanille does this thing with your typical spices where she just mixes them up so ingeniously that everything blends like magic in the mouth. Lightning's never one for overly-flavourful food, and this is precisely why everything Vanille's made is so damn good.

The girl's managed to opened up some fresh, raw oysters as appetizer. Lightning doesn't even know where Bodhum sells oysters this good. She really should be ashamed to call herself a resident of this town. Then there's this classic pan-seared ribeye steak that is cooked to medium rare, which, in Lightning's point of view, is the _best._ And the seafood sauce added to the al dente spaghetti— _god damn._ Lightning just wants to _marry_ this girl. Even the organic salad that Vanille's picked seemed to taste heavenly. Lightning is starting to think that she is just extremely biased when it comes to anything that Vanille does, and honestly, she can't see that it's a problem.

"There's still dessert," Vanille says as she wipes the corner of her lips with a napkin.

Lightning widens her eyes. She doesn't know how to say it, but she's, like, really _fucking full._ If she eats anymore she feels that she's going to die. But— _oh god—_ she wants to eat so much more. She wants so much more from Vanille.

 _Wait, that sounded—_

"But I know you're full. Honestly, I am too," Vanille laughs. "So, maybe we can save it for tomorrow? It's just a small tiramisu I've prepared…"

"Sure," Lightning takes a sip of the red wine she's opened up. _Of course it has to be red wine—_ was what she told herself earlier when she saw the steak.

Vanille does the same thing, taking a sip from her wine glass. Lightning sees that it is almost emptied and so she pours her some more.

"Oh, no. I'm fine. Red wine hits me harder than anything else…"

"It's alright," Lightning shrugs. "You're at home," she goes on to pour the girl some wine. "If you do get drunk, you can just pass out and no one would care."

Vanille giggles. "I can't do that. You're here."

Lightning raises a brow. "It's just me," and just as she speaks the following words, she starts to realize how much she actually doubts herself, "I'm not going to hurt you."

"I know."

She pauses and looks straight into the girl's eyes.

And Vanille shakes her head in response. " _Because_ it's you."

Silence takes over, and Lightning can't tell if it's a comfortable silence, or the type that she can't bear. Maybe it's somewhere in between. Oddly enough, despite the tension, she finds herself to be the one to speak out. "You still don't trust me, do you?"

Vanille shakes her head again. "It's not you I don't trust. It's me."

She tilts her head in confusion. And then she notices Vanille looking down, presumably trying to hide her embarrassed expression. She can't tell if Vanille is blushing because of _whatever this is_ or because of the wine. But _damn_ is she red.

Her shoulders scrunched up to her ears, Vanille goes on, "Lightning, about what I told you this morning, I… I lied."

 _What? Lied? About what? About how she doesn't actually want to have sex with her? Oh god, oh no—_

Suddenly, without any warning, Vanille stands straight up. She's still avoiding eye contact, however. "If I drink anymore, I don't think I can hold myself back. A-and that will totally go against everything we told each other this morning. I don't want that."

 _Wait, wait. What?!_

"But it's so hard, you know?" Vanille continues. "Every time I see you, I just…"

"Vanille," Lightning finally interrupts.

The girl just stays quiet.

 _Shit._ What can she possibly say? What _did_ she want to say when she interrupted her? Wouldn't it all be better if she just let her spur on, talking nonsense? _You know,_ it's not really nonsense. Geez. Lightning doesn't even know who she's talking to. Who is _you_? Who's listening to her mind ramble?

"I think," _oh no, Lightning, what are you about to say?_ "I think you should do what you want to do."

Vanille finally brings her head up.

"Whatever happens, I'll look after you. I promise."

Another moment of silence. This time, Lightning can tell it's the comfortable type. But it's still ironically so tense. Probably because Vanille's staring at her with those gorgeous wide eyes of hers. Damn. It's so lethal. Lightning wants to turn away but Vanille's just so beautiful to look at—whatever her expression may be.

Then, a smile cracks. Vanille breathes out. "Then, Lightning," she brings a palm to her chest, "Will you give me a hug? I… I've been holding back all day. And I… a hug, I think, will be enough. For now."

Likewise, Lightning breathes out. A sigh of relief. She stands from her chair and walks around the table, opening her arms for the girl. And Vanille just walks into her embrace while still wearing that sweet smile.

So, essentially—and this makes her feel a _trillion times_ better—Lightning has discovered that she is not the only one feeling all horny and uneasy and shit. Vanille feels the same way. Well, maybe minus the horny part for the girl. Point is, Lightning's understanding now that it's just a matter of timing. They both know that if they were to go any further _right now,_ things will fall apart. And because neither wants that—because both of them want _this_ to last, they need to hold back. They need to take it slow.

Knowing this, knowing that Vanille _knows_ this, Lightning just feels so much better. She holds Vanille tightly in her arms and just breathes in.

"There's this thing. A wedding," Lightning hears herself say awkwardly.

"Hmm?"

She swallows. She's going to have to go through with it, whether she's prepared or not. "My co-worker. He's getting married and invited the entire GC. I don't really want to go, but it's bad manners. So I'm going to go. And he told us to bring our, uh, _plus ones._ "

Vanille pulls back. She blinks at Lightning curiously, urging her to go in in silence.

"So. What I'm saying is. Do you want to, um, come with me? As my, like… plus one?"

Emeralds sparkling with delight, Vanille blinks several more times before opening her mouth for a brief moment—as if in astonishment—before closing them again. It's like she's trying to compose the words in her mind before speaking it out, but bewilderment has gotten the better of her and she's really just trying to contain herself right now, to be honest.

But then she's wearing the hugest grin Lightning has ever seen, and she can't help it but to smile along.

"I'll… take that as a yes, then?" She offers nervously. Vanille finally chuckles. The sound is so rich and bubbly. It makes Lightning's heart jump. But she's fucking nervous, and more importantly, despite it being so blatantly obvious by now, Lightning's a paranoid piece of shit so she wants to make sure. "You have to say something, or I'm just going to stay like this until… well, until you tell me."

The shorter girl prolongs her smile. "I wouldn't mind that, actually," her arms around Lightning's waist slip higher to the shoulder blades. "You're a good hugger."

She feels her cheeks turn pink. "You're not so bad yourself."

 _Ugh. Seriously. Can she not be so awkward for once?_

Vanille appears to be amused by her reaction, though. It's weird, and still entirely new to Lightning. Because she's always the assertive one in a relationship (if she can call those _encounters_ that), and to suddenly feel so inferior and, in a way, submissive, is just… _odd._

Shit. Is this going to threaten her role in bed?!

"I'll come."

And blood just _shoots_ up to her head. "W-what?"

Vanille blinks. "I'll… come. To the wedding?"

"Oh." Lightning says. Fuck. Vanille meant come _._ Not, like, _come._ But, uh, anyway—

"But I don't have anything to wear…" Vanille starts. "I'll go shopping tomorrow. Maybe I'll pick up something nice."

Well, Lightning certainly didn't think ahead. Vanille's not a local and it didn't occur to her that she needs to go out to buy a dress for an occasion as special as a wedding. Honestly, these events are a waste of time. Like Lightning mentioned, she really doesn't care much for Torreno (that's the guy getting married, right? Not another co-worker?). She's going really just so she can establish Vanille as her _plus one,_ both publically and to reassure herself.

And she certainly doesn't think ahead when she says, "I should have something that fits you."

Vanille laughs. "Lightning, you're a head taller than me. And your body is so much nicer. I'll just make the entire outfit look like a mess."

She shakes her head in response and pulls away. "It's not mine. I have clothes from my—"

 _No_

"—from… she's…"

 _left you_

"… she's…"

 _doesn't need you_

"…n-not here and I… I don't—"

 _useless_

"—n-no…"

Lightning is physically struggling. Not just her voice, but her entire body is locked in place but she's _bead sweating and shaking_ and she can't seem to continue talking. It's like some outer space anomaly is invading her nerves, attacking her god damn brain and she can't _fucking think and speak and be honest with Vanille and she's a mess and she promised herself this won't happen again but whyisshesopathetic—_

"Lightning," Vanille pulls her in, soft fingers run through the back of her head and she strokes her gently, _gently._ Vanille whispers into her ear, "Hey, it's okay. It's okay." The soothing voices brushes against Lightning's aching skin and it doesn't happen immediately, but almost in slow motion, her tense muscles begin to relax. Slowly. Gradually.

She feels safe. She feels wanted. She doesn't feel abandoned.

Lightning tells herself all of this, in her head, again and again. Like a mantra.

 _Don't stop_

 _Don't stop_

Vanille is here.

 _Vanille is here._

She doesn't need anyone else.

…

"Are you feeling better?"

Lightning doesn't know how much time has passed, but she does know that she's stopped shaking like the pathetic little girl that she is. That's what she is. _A little girl._

"… Lightning?"

"Yeah," she lies. And then she draws back.

 _Fake a smile._

She does. It's easy.

"I'm fine."

.  
.

* * *

a/n: **¯\\_(** ツ)_/

(at least they're still cute together amirite)


End file.
